Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Game Night: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap
This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Kyle hosted a game night, Eden captivated Dorit, and Lisa Rinna still hates Kim.
KIM AND KYLE
Kim and Kyle were on better terms now. They had shelved arguments about who stole their mother’s home in Palm Springs focusing instead on uplifting matters, like Kim’s daughter having a baby and Kyle’s new highlights. “If there is one thing people need to know about my sister Kim,” Kyle explained (besides having a rabid dog), “it’s that she is a wonderful mother.” Kyle encouraged viewers to ask Kim’s children should they run into them in a public setting whether she was a good mother. (Excuse me, Chad, can you verify if your mother properly raised you despite what has been shown on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?) Kim did seem better, she insisted she was a shadow of her old self despite the fact she still had security tags on her clothes.
Erika Jayne used the leftover cash in her let’s-play-dress-up fund to develop the set of her newest music video. XXpen$ive had already hit the singsong and jammity jam charts and was slated to earn a moon man at the if-we-still-played-music-video awards on MTV. Assistants worked tirelessly to make sure her sassy word covered gloves and mobile dining and living room sets were ready for filming.
Lisa Rinna and Eden Sassoon found out they had more in common than a love of Pilates, good restaurant lighting, and hair products. Eden explained that she was sober now, which Lisa applauded given her deep history with Kim Richards. “You mean you are accountable for your actions?” Lisa asked. “I can have a conversation with you about emotional growth without having to throw a glass of Chablis in your face?” Eden was present after years processing trauma caused by abandonment. She was a preemie baby who had been ripped from her mother’s womb so that she could spend the weekend in the Hamptons. “You know that has nothing to do with you,” Lisa told her, “it has everything to do with your parent’s shitty personalities. That said, – I did love what your father did with hair.” They were soldiers together in this house lady war. “Here is a crystal,” Eden said to Lisa while placing a rock purchased from the Spencer Pratt online catalog in the palm of her hand, “this will help you.”
Kyle threw her first affair of the season hosting a game night attended by the other girls, Camille, her sister Kim and their new “friend” Eden, daughter of Vidal. Her Faye-Resnick decorated home featured a fully stocked bar, which the two guests of honor could not enjoy since they were both sober. “Eden, what a beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Dorit noted. It was the first time she had experienced a lady tingle. “Eden is edgy, but without the edge,” she whispered to Kyle. It began to make sense why she bragged in the first episode that she married her husband because he was unattractive. “Everyone who knows me knows that I do not like to be with attractive people,” she had explained. Later she asked Eden if she was lesbian.
Kim and Eden embraced each other as Kim reflected on all the times she spent with Eden’s sister before she had an overdose. Kim was pleased she wasn’t the only person uninterested in a Malibu pineapple. Lisa Vanderpump immediately asked Erika if she was wearing underwear, which she happily would have shown if she were not wearing jeggings. Will this shit ever end, Erika wondered?
EDEN AND DORIT
Dorit was just out of her mind; this was the general consensus. She had no recollection for previous conversations, spoke Madonna English, and wasn’t self aware enough to know that Erika Jayne was not a person to piss off. She would think nothing of asking a new friend by the pool if she was a lesbian (Eden) or if the death of 6 relatives in a short period of time affected the way she handled cat fights (Eileen).
The women were separated into two groups, asked to perform charades and fondle one another in a fun game of puppets. Eden’s team won, to the delight of teammate Dorit who complimented her profusely about her strength and endurance. “I can’t do exercise myself,” Dorit explained.
LISA AND KIM
In the meantime Lisa Rinna and Kim still loathed one another. “Glad to hear about your grandchild,” said Lisa. “I think that you are being sincere,” Kim replied. “Well, I am,” spit out Lisa. “Well, I am glad you are,” said Kim. They turned back towards their plate of sushi until Kim spotted Lisa Rinna rolling her eyes at Eileen. “Well, there you go,” said Kim, “always doing things behind me back.” Except Lisa Rinna wasn’t behind her back, she was sitting right across the table from her. It was no secret she didn’t like Kim. She hated the way she brought up Harry Hamlin in a previous episode. “I never said anything about Harry,” Kim argued despite archival footage proving otherwise. “Well, let’s talk about your arrest,” said Lisa Rinna to the disgust of the rest of the game night participants. “That’s a low blow,” said Lisa Vanderpump, who was also gifted in the art of giving a low blow.
Eden, the Patron Saint of Beverly Hills, reminded Kim that as an addict she was required to set an example. “Explain your pain,” she urged. “Fine,” replied Kim, “I don’t like the way you have gone after me.” Lisa Rinna pinched the outside of her legs and stood up straight. “Okay, Kim,” she said with the tone of a pre-school teacher talking to Japanese tourists, “I am sorry if I have ever hurt you, that was never my intent.”
The Rinna/Richards argument wouldn’t be the only lady fight of the night. Dorit, who had continued to dig herself a whole complained that Kyle was selling her down the river and that Eileen was talking in circles. “Um, Dorit, have you met yourself?” Eileen asked.
Kim, who had spent many night of her life in a haze, noted it wasn’t actually that big of a deal not wearing underwear. “I am not wearing any now,” she noted.
A trip to Greece.