Real Housewives of Orange County Recap
Heather and Terry rushed around their marble mansion to awake their children all sleeping in custom upholstered beds. She was off to Los Angeles to film her much anticipated guest spot on TV Land’s breakout hit Hot in Cleveland. It would be a few days of rehearsals and then culminate with a night taping. Though Terry had explained that tapings are basically the easiest way to make you fall into … Continue reading
Real Housewives of Miami Wedding Invitation
I am now sadly at the age where less people are getting married. I have been attending more baby showers than romantic unions. And I would like to say that I am a tremendous wedding guest. I show up on time, I will chat it up with your great Aunt Louise, and I will be more than happy to perform an outstanding rendition of Bonnie Tyler’s I Need a Hero … Continue reading
Lindsay Lohan Doesn’t Want to Befriend Brooke Mueller in Rehab
You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Take for example the time I took my kids to the park and met a nice lady with a daughter the same age as mine. We chatted for a bit about local schools, where we grew up, and things we like to do in our spare time. She was very interested in how I stay in shape and how much free time … Continue reading
Celebrity Fashion Disasters
When I was in college I visited my friend Catherine in Buffalo, New York. Her parents got us tickets to a Buffalo Bills game during what was perhaps the coldest week in the city’s history. On our way out the door her father gave us some hand and feet warmers along with a stack of scarfs. “Remember ladies,” he said, “this is no time for fashion.” I spent the second … Continue reading
Paris Hilton Asks Me for Advice
Dear Kate, I need your advice. I used to have this friend. Let’s call her Shmim Shmardashian. We grew up together. She always idolized me. I mean, most people do. We used to have such a blast together. We’d spend hours talking about my amazing hair. We’d sit in my closet for hours while I’d try on clothes and practice poses. I even taught her how to use foreign men … Continue reading
Real Housewives of Orange County Recap
Over at Chateau Dubrow the servants and butler had gone home. Terry was left with mangled toenails and had nowhere to turn. “Do you want to cut my toenails,” he asked his wife as she applied an even layer of Chanel bronzer. She declined. Here she was trying to explain to him just how important it would be for him to take a few hours off from the face factory … Continue reading
How to Spot a Pregnant Celebrity
Dear Tabloids, Thank you for ongoing speculation about whether celebrities are pregnant. It’s been a lark. According to my notes Jennifer Aniston is probably pregnant with her 86th child. Good thing she makes money. How else would she pay for preschool? And your system for identifying a lady in her first trimester is incredible. Did you run it through the folks in Quantico? People Mag has a fascinating story today … Continue reading
Suri Cruise Launching Clothing Line While Your Kid Eats Paste
So I am guessing I’ve been dropping the ball as far as parenting goes. I’ve got an almost four year old, an 18-month old, and my next one drops in July once they’ve reached the end of their gestational period. None of them are in a pre-Olympic developmental program. I have yet to see them master Mandarin Chinese, trigonometry, or the art of making a soufflé. Only the oldest is … Continue reading
Why is Britney Spears on the Cover of Shape Magazine?
I usually enjoy Shape Magazine. Sometimes I find it useful with their workout tips and low calorie recipes. But lately I wonder about their cover interview and photo choices. Take for example this month’s issue. Seriously? Britney Spears? You are a health magazine, right? We’re talking about the same girl who drinks Starbucks Frappuccinos on a daily basis? We’re talking about the same girl who enjoys a big bag of … Continue reading
Staging a Wedding Intervention: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
Us Weekly has an interesting story about how Liam Hemsworth‘s actor siblings, Chris and Luke, were so concerned about his relationship with Miley Cyrus that they staged an intervention with him in April. ”They want him to end the romance for good,” a source tells Us Weekly. It must have worked (besides him making out with January Jones in February) because they have reportedly put a halt to wedding plans. Miley Cyrus is 20. Liam is 23. … Continue reading