Dear Kids: Hope You Enjoy Your Summer Vacation
Please stuff this into your Turns Out Mom Was a Great Mother After All folder.
I’d like to talk to you about summer, the two and a half months in the middle of the year education reformers claim you need to decompress from months of doing crafts, learning to read and understand math, and playing kickball on the playground. It’s what I like to refer to as the What Am I Supposed To Do With These Kids portion of your childhood.
I was told at your age to just go outside and play because it was summer. Obviously things have changed since then because of global warming and heightened awareness about kidnapping. I want you to have a better life.
While you spent the last few weeks of school wrapping up projects and celebrating with year-end parties, your old lady was stressing about how to make sure you spend ten weeks mentally and physically stimulated. I know that in order to get you early acceptance into Stanford University or in an Olympic training camp you need every moment of your day to be jam-packed with activities. It is my guess studies may have at some point proven that children who get to experience various extra curricular activities during summer vacation could possibly have a reduced chance of still living at home at age 28.
YOUR SUMMER VACATION
It’s because of this I have made certain the next few weeks will be spent doing the following:
- Attending day camps focused on arithmetic, oceanography, Spanish, and mixed media arts.
- Swim team
- Preschool camp with Broadway themed weeks
- Martial arts classes
- Rock climbing
- Ukulele classes
- Trips to museums, water parks, and environmental centers with your cousin visiting from New Jersey
- Regular trips to Yogurtland
MY SUMMER VACATIONS
Before you complain that it doesn’t give you enough time to lounge in an inflated pool in the backyard or play superhero in the privacy of your bedroom understand that my childhood was spent doing the following:
- Watching General Hospital in my living room with your Aunt.
- Rifling through your grandmother’s paperwork while she was out running errands.
- Walking laps around the perimeter of my backyard.
- Rearranging Tupperware in the kitchen cabinets.
- Cleaning the above ground pool covered in leaves.
- Waiting for the mailman to deliver catalogs no one actually ordered from.
- Picking blackberries off of the neighbor’s bushes while they were at work.
- Singing Debbie Gibson’s greatest hits while staring a ceiling.
My point is you guys are going to have nice couple weeks on your extended seasonal vacation.
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