Show Recaps

Why Are The Men On The Bachelorette Crying?

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Dear Current Contestants on This Season of The Bachelorette,

This week I caught the final minutes of the show. It was, to my surprise, the only part of the show in the last 79 seasons that my husband asked for me to replay. He was elated a contestant would tell the Bachelorette she was essentially promiscuous and shallow because she’d had the nerve to string him along each week with a rose even though she was sleeping with at least one other contestant. “Kaitlyn just seems like she’s here to have a good time and make out with a lot of guys.” You mean like EVERY single guy that has ever been The Bachelor?

As one would expect Ian had no choice but to self destruct when it became clear he’d given up his job as an executive recruiter in the big city so he could pursue a Canadian hip hop dance instructor on a romance reality television show. Obviously Kaitlyn did not understand what she was letting go. “I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want a Princeton graduate, former model that defies death and has been around the world a couple of times.” Maybe she couldn’t get past his receding hairline? Maybe she didn’t want to sit on a couch surrounded by candles listening to him talk about his glory days running track and field, how he loves the movie Forrest Gump, or how he built one old girlfriend a clock?

Ian took her lack of affection and interest like a man. ‘I don’t find her interesting, I don’t think that’s something wrong with me, I think that’s something wrong with her.’ Yes, of course. There must be something wrong with her because she doesn’t want to move you into the next qualifying round, Ian.

According to previews several of you are about to self destruct too, unable to cope with the realization a woman would make you feel like you had a future together even though she’s romancing someone else on the side.

Guess what? I know plenty of single women who are beautiful, intelligent, and charismatic. They are equally dumbfounded when it turns out the guy they’ve been dating has been boning someone else too.

“I don’t understand. How could he be with someone else when…”

1. He acted like he was so interested in my life.

2. I took him to my hometown.

3. He introduced me to his parents.

4. I told him what kind of engagement ring I wanted.

5. We discussed potential baby names.

6. He told me I was the most important person in the world.

Who would do something like that?

You would. Dudes do. 99.99% of men who appear on reality television. Every single guy that has ever been The Bachelor.

So before you start crying on national television that you feel betrayed because a woman had sexual relations with someone else let me remind you that:

1. You left your job so you can appear on a reality television show.

2. You just said on national television you are ready to get married even though you secretly hope this show will make you a soap opera actor or a contestant on Dancing With the Stars.

3. Your current living situation is in a rented mansion with 20 other adult men.

4. You almost suffered a panic attack because you were afraid she wouldn’t give you a flower.

5. You are worried about how even your spray tan looks.

6. You are working out 3 hours each morning so you look okay in a hot tub.

Love hurts. We get it. Now pull it together.

Your Friend,

Kate

The Bachelorette Rejected Contestant Ian

The Bachelorette Rejected Contestant Ian

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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