This week on Vanderpump Rules Jax and Tom Sandoval raided Lisa’s closet for drag clothing.
- The morning after James Kennedy threw a cocktail glass at Jax’s head the crew resumed their day-to-day schedules. Jax and Ariana stocked the bar at SUR and Scheana had her talons sharpened. They did provide Lisa Vanderpump with a synopsis of the evening. “Let James go on,” Lisa urged Jax, “so he can become the restaurant DJ he’s always wanted to be.”
- Tom Sandoval has recently reclaimed his career as a fashion model. After a short stint as a YouTube singer and performer he went back to his roots posing while wearing stupid outfits. “Today’s shoot is with an acclaimed photographer named Joseph Simpson,” he explained to Schwartz. Jessica Simpson’s father left behind a career as a pastor and supporting character on MTV’s Newlyweds to take photographs of models aging out of the business. “Today’s shoot is inspired by Chris Kirkpatrick from N’Sync,” Simpson explained while a makeup artist applied MAC mascara to Sandoval’s eyelash extensions.
- Jax and Brittany found a church service held in a high school auditorium. It was his way of honoring her mother’s request to find the Lord.
- Stassi spent time with her mother post-hysterectomy in Lake Arrowhead. It was also a great opportunity for her to get life advice from her younger brother who is not a certified mental health professional.
- Tom Sandoval and James Kennedy met for green tea to discuss their career trajectories. “I need to be hustling all the time,” Sandoval explained, “because otherwise I should be back in St. Louis serving brewskis at the Village Brew Co.” He also counseled James on coming forth with the truth when you have cheated on your girlfriend with a restaurant hostess.
- Peter, when not managing the staff at SUR, was pursuing a career as a film director. His vision for his recent 8-minute project was Star Wars meets Halo. He enlisted Sandoval, who was still dressed like a member of Color Me Badd, to play the part of someone being rescued from a ship while wearing super galactic gear. After 65 takes he completed the one-line scene. His braids remained in tact. Before he left the shoot he pulled Ariana aside to ask that she dial down her hatred so that the Schwartz wedding would be a happy occurrence.
- At Villa Rosa Pandora collected bottles of Sangria for Katie’s bridal shower. Scheana took the opportunity to explain to Lisa Vanderpump that Katie was essentially the worst bride. “I was a calm bride,” noted Scheana while archival footage proved the opposite.
- The groomsmen met for drinks to discuss their plans to dress up as women. “Tell me what guy has not at some point wanted to wear a summer dress,” explained Schwartz. Sandoval noted his armpits were already clean-shaven. Jax requested he be the only one wearing a spaghetti strap top. Kristen’s boyfriend Carter stared at the table in horror. It was too late for him to back out.
- Pandora lives in a palace decorated with white furniture and diamonds, a gift from Lisa on her 30th birthday. “I live in a 400 square foot apartment with a toilet that always breaks,” said Stassi. As host she made sure Ariana and Stassi were forced to work through their wedding attendant issues while someone scrubbed a layer of skin off their hands. Scheana ended the bridal lunch by accusing Katie (the bride) of being a mean drunk, throwing her satin napkin, and threatening to leave. They apologized to each other and held one another in their arms.
- Jax and Tom Sandoval riffled through Lisa Vanderpump’s closet to find bras, gowns, statement necklaces, and derby hats for their trip to New Orleans.
- Over the least romantic dinner Katie and Schwartz argued about Ariana being included in their wedding. Katie left him with the bill.
Everyone goes to New Orleans.