Show Recaps

16 Vanderpump Rules Observations: The Divorce

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On the season finale of Vanderpump Rules Katie and Schwartz committed a life with one another and Scheana decided she must divorce Shay. 

The following were the 16 most notable observations from the episode.

WE NEED A DIVORCE

  1. During their vows Schwartz and Katie highlighted their tumultuous relationship and legitimate reasons for questioning whether they were capable of staying married. Schwartz also noted mid-vow it was Jax that once pointed out you can never love a woman more than one night. Brittany smiled at him with great affection across the aisle while guests looked at each other with confusion.
  2. Tom Sandoval was so overcome with emotion at the wedding ceremony he wiped his tears on a hypoallergenic dog as he stood in the middle of the forest. The dog chewed on one of his hair extensions mistaking it for a dog toy.
  3. At the reception Lisa Vanderpump expected the bridesmaids to serve her as if they were still working shifts.
  4. Shay spoke to no one at the reception because he hated everyone.
  5. Lisa Vanderpump asked Tom Sandoval to be a partner in a bar venture aptly titled Tom Tom. “You can be the face of the bar,” Lisa and Sandoval told Schwartz who was too inebriated to understand the business opportunity. With great excitement Sandoval shared the good news with his girlfriend Ariana who would have a hard time stifling her tears as it became clear to her that Tom would soon have a grown up job and she would still be peddling mojitos at the SUR service bar.
  6. Schwartz’s brother Billy gave a heartwarming toast for someone who finished an entire half keg of Coor’s Light. “Why don’t you sit down, Billy,” said Jax.
  7. Stassi gave a sweet toast, 80% of it focused on her.
  8. Kristen went engagement ring shopping on the dance floor.
  9. Jax pulled Brittany aside to test out a future conversation explaining why he never intends to marry her.
  10. Ariana pretended her phone died so she wouldn’t have to include Stassi in her snapchat. Despite their palpable hatred they found common ground in forensic science.
  11. Tom Sandoval irritated the yacht rock band by performing without their permission on stage with a trumpet he stole from a prop box.
  12. Three months later Scheana feigned surprise when her husband walked through the door of their apartment. “Oh, hey, I didn’t hear you come through the door with your skateboard shoes,” she said as a cameraman hovered over her. She took a sip from her water resting inside the drink holder in the middle of their leather couch.
  13. Scheana explained that despite her consistent assurance that Shay was sober he had in fact been taking an appetite suppressant for months. “He cleaned out my bank account,” she told Lisa Vanderpump that morning. Lisa Vanderpump noted their marriage had been a shit pile for some time.
  14. Shay, who had disappeared for weeks so that he could make rap music no one will ever hear, explained that he loved her but rarely came home not because he was high, but because he was committed to his music. “So you guys don’t do drugs in the studio,” Scheana asked. Shay looked off into the distance. “We stay in the studio because we (it was unknown who the others were) love what we do. Once you figure out your dreams you will understand it too.” 
  15. “You never listen,” Shay told Scheana. “What?” she asked while rubbing her talons through her hair. She was too distracted by her reflection in the wall mirror they had purchased a year before at Home Depot.
  16. Scheana kindly asked him to gather up his things from his bedroom, which also served as an office and storage unit decorated like a college dorm. He took one last glance at the photo collage, picked up the purple piece of luggage beside the aerobics ball, and walked out the front door. Their marriage was done.

NEXT WEEK:

The reunion.

Vanderpump Rules Observations, Divorce

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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