The other night I tried to sit through the premiere episode of new season of The Bachelor. This time around I already know whom he chooses in the end, but it didn’t make me any more interested in suffering through a whole two hours. I skipped the part where he met with the women he rejected on the past season (yawn), all of the limo introductions (painful), and the cheesy rose ceremony (anti-climactic). What I did see was some of the cringe inducing small talk the contestants try to make with The Bachelor before he starts handing out the roses. Every girl, as you know, has a very small window of time to make them stand out in a sea of 30 other desperate women.
Let’s be honest, most of these girls have zero interest in finding true love. They quit their jobs and basically put their life on hold because they want to be famous. Maybe a starring role on a dating show with a horrendous success rate will finally propel me to a major career in film! Can you imagine someone leaving their high powered job at a law firm, hospital, banking institution, or start-up because they want a few months to find their future husband on The Bachelor? No, they have bigger dreams. They have bills to pay and an agent to land. So for that small window of time they pull out their bag of tricks. See Brad, I am a dancer. Let’s do a Rockette kick. (Fingers crossed a Vegas show calls me). See Brad, I can sing. (Let’s hope I book a recording deal after this). The problem is these are never girls with much talent. I mean, if you have to get on The Bachelor to have someone hear you sing you are already facing an uphill battle. Am I the only one that starts breaking out in a flop sweat when they start singing? Why not whip out a microphone and two back-up singers to really showcase your talent?
It is my hope that on the next season one of these girls uses their first meeting with The Bachelor to discuss their acting skills. “If you want to know me you have to understand my passion for performing dramatic monologues before a live audience. At this time I would like to recite one of Pheobe Cate’s most powerful roles as in Carter in the 1989 hit Shag: “Luanne, why can’t we just go over there and tell them that this was our last weekend together and we didn’t feel like going to Fort Sumter and touring god damn colonial homes. We wanted to go to the beach, and meet boys and go to wild parties and dance. I mean, why can’t we tell them the truth?”
Screw romance. If all goes well she could at least get a call back from All My Children, right?
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