There Goes The Motherhood Recap: Leah Dearest
This week on There Goes The Motherhood Meghan and Nick had a psychic tour their house, Leah addressed her low-grade irritation, and Jen wondered how to undo co-sleeping.
Meghan and Nick sat on the benches as they watched their son play soccer. She had been thinking lately, it was time for her to get impregnated. It had always been their plan to have four children, but it took a tarot card to kick this dream into overdrive. “This stargazer said there is a fetus floating in the universe waiting for us to send them spiritual vibes so they can ski their way into my uterus.” It wasn’t that Nick didn’t want another baby, he just wondered if he would ever then get a reprieve from working shifts at the cemetery. Would he, for example, ever get to take a Norwegian cruise ship vacation or would that money is needed to pay for summer camps or a years supply of toilet paper from Costco?
Their son Dempsey named after a boxer and not as I suspected after the actor on Grey’s Anatomy had special powers. Unlike most children his age he would wake up with mysterious scratches on his back. He had a roommate who had probably been murdered and was living between two dimensions. The stargazer Annie offered to come to their house and sage the doorways. Nick who was a born skeptic quickly changed his tune when a chandelier in Dempsey’s room began to swing back and forth. Annie suggested they check the home’s real estate records. Was their sweet family home built on top of an ancient Indian ground? Or was someone involved in an episode of Dateline?
Leah’s struggle is that her daughter Jade reminds her so much of herself. How do you cope when your child makes you feel a constant low-grade irritation?
(Editorial note: My third child is just like me and I find her a total delight. I can understand what she wants and needs because I basically gave birth to myself).
YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER
Jill explained to Leah while wearing a unicorn headband that it was important to evaluate where a trigger comes from. What makes you want to kick down a door? Leah explained that her mother was prone to emotional outbursts and was overly critical. She worked hard to control her emotions, which was why she had a metal bowl and a gong in her living room. She could never be good enough so when her daughter asks to rearrange the booster seats at the kitchen booth it reminds her of how frustrated her mother would get with her. “She is a wonderful child,” Jill assured her, “and she loves you so much.” Leah was confused. “My kid? The one who tried to cover the pancake griddle in grease? The same kid who refuses to eat a tortilla covered in grass? That’s good to hear.”
Jen’s mother struggled with depression she refused to treat. Meghan’s mom taught her to live a life with your balls out. Stefanie felt bad because her parents were incredible people. “Sorry, guys got to sit this one out. My parents are my heroes.” Oh, how nice for you they thought. Beth winked at her. Her mom was legit too.
Beth took Caila surfing and assured her that despite splitting from her father they would remain close. “We can do this every Saturday. It will be our thing, especially since I look so great in a wet suit.”
Jen debated having another baby. Go across the street and pick up some sperm, her father suggested without realizing it was a Best Buy and not a fertility clinic.
Jill offered advice to Jen on how to fix her co-sleeping issue. Maybe she should start by putting a blow up mattress in the hall between his room and the beautifully decorated room she never gets to enjoy? At some point she would need to cut the umbilical cord. It would be uncomfortable to explain to his college girlfriend that dating him meant sharing an apartment with his mom.
Ron destroyed a quiet date night when he informed Stefanie he had set up an opportunity for her to perform for an audience. “Excuse me,” she said as she spit apple martini all over his jacket. For years if you brought up Wild Orchid she would start to dry heave. It’s hard to get jazzed about singing when all you picture is yourself on a stage in front of a hundred people wearing fanny packs. What was the point of working so hard for a big hit when the big hit never happens? But Ron felt confident that every song has the potential to be a number one hit. Every song is a best song win. Could the same be said for all the other songs Debbie Gibson wrote besides Out of The Blue and Electric Youth? She drank the rest of her martini and slammed her head against the table.
Everybody wants another baby and Stefanie prepares for her return to music tour.
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