Real Housewives of New York

Tension: Real Housewives of New York Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of New York tension arose at Luann’s brunch, Ramona’s dinner party, and at a restaurant that served eggs benedict.

TENSION

DEATH VERSUS DIVORCE

Trying to explain to Sonja the difference between a divorce and the death of a spouse was like trying to explain mathematics to an eggplant. One cannot equalize the loss of a spouse because of an affair in St. Tropez to a terminal illness. The frustration was more than Dorinda could bear and left her unable to complete a weekend brunch amongst friends, let alone a dinner party with castmates. “Jesus,” whispered Luann’s friend Mary. She had just come over to enjoy a salami platter. “I am insulted by the audacity of her narcissism,” said Dorinda as she gathered up her things. Luann noted Sonja’s medication had made her gain weight, as if that was enough of a reason to insult a widow.

INCIDENTALS

Bethenny purchased an historical home in The Hamptons.

Ramona insisted she was a smart businesswoman by pointing out she has invested in real estate versus stocks.

DINNER PARTY

Carole’s marathon running dinner party was less about Carole’s achievement in extreme exercising, and more about her Ramona entertaining her circle of friends. She had longed for the opportunity to sit beside the caterer, and a buffet style event in her living room was the perfect opportunity. Dorinda asked Dennis about his baldhead. Carole fretted there was no marathon memorabilia on the banquet. Luann pretended she had no idea how Bethenny met Dennis, despite noting on a reunion it was behind the back of his ex-wife before they were formally separated. “You could apologize to Dennis for saying something that was not true,” Bethenny said to Luann who had nearly swallowed the feathers of her turtleneck in the process. “I was merely making niceties,” she explained from the luxury of a stool in front of a green screen with an image of her imaginary sitting room.

It brought Sonja great sadness to be relegated to the end of the table. She brought up her ex-lovers to stay involved in the conversation. “There is no Rocco,” said Dorinda as Ramona waved her arms in the background. She counted backwards from ten and while shaking her fingers repeated what can only expect to see on t-shirts, mugs, and key chains in the very near future: “Liar, Liar, Ho on Fire.”

CHECKS

Speaking of lying, Tinsley was up in arms that Sonja implied Scott purchased her $5,000 gift card, a gift for staying in her townhouse for months. Tinsley asked Sonja while screaming to close her legs and her mouth and then promptly wrote her a check that Bethenny burned over an open candle flame. Ramona worried it would set off a smoke alarm. They brought out a cake no one ate.

Sonja apologized to Dorinda by explaining she was on a juice diet, was coming off her meds, and was bloated. Dorinda likened it to verbal water boarding.

Also notable: Dennis and Carole wore hideous outfits.

BRUNCH

The next morning Ramona admitted John the meatball dry cleaner had grown on her while Dorinda admitted they were slowly growing apart. Sonja told Ramona via text she was an unfeeling piece of excrement. (It took her hours to realize the S in P.O.S. meant shit). Carole and Tinsley organized an expensive brunch decorated with cheap place cards. Ramona whispered to Carole why she was unable to enjoy appetizers seated across from someone who had textually harassed her. She was also distracted by her prom up do. She moved to the other end of the table.

The great irony was that Ramona lectured Sonja on the need to listen. Bethenny suggested she stay current. Luann asked for the check.

NEXT WEEK:

Tinsley wears double French braids.

Real Housewives of New York, Recap, Tension, Hamptons, Bethenny, Sonja, Tinsley, Luann, Season 10

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