Summer House Premiere Recap
It takes three and a half hours to get to the group of villages and hamlets that make up the seaside resort of The Hamptons. The area, which features some of the most expensive and luxurious residential properties in the country, is a haven for affluent professionals seeking refuge from they sweat factory that is New York City in the summer. Groups of single friends agree to share a house with the hope of drinking their faces off in the 48 hours between leaving and returning to their jobs.
With Summer House Bravo took the opportunity to introduce us to a group of these single friends whom share a house they could normally not afford on their own by using the women of Vanderpump Rules for a cross over episode. Obviously under normal circumstances it wouldn’t make sense for three waitresses who live in Hollywood to spend a summer weekend with several people who work a normal weekday schedule. “Monday is my favorite holiday,” explained Scheana, “because I can sleep in and then wake up to pictures of my face all over my walls.” Nevertheless a clambake and drunken pool party later the Sur ladies have newfound friends and a show that back ends their weekly shenanigans.
Ashley and Lauren and are blogger twins who share a deep friendship and the looks of a bionic Barbie. Ashley is married to her college sweetheart who has somehow accepted she will spend the duration of her summer weekends living with people who have sex in the pool without him. Meanwhile her sister Lauren suffers in silence hoping to at some point roommate Carl (see below) will see their mutual love of dry humping as a sign they should get married.
Kyle has the look of a mini Viking with a frat-esque outlook on life. After breaking up with his yearlong girlfriend so that he could keep his “options open” he’s leapt into a disco nightlife. When he isn’t ironing his chinos and buttoned up shirts he is mowing down bags of potato chips.
Cristina is an entertainment reporter who lives year-round with Lindsay, a selfish entertainment publicist. When they are not fighting over who can pass the suntan lotion it is about Lindsay’s fairly new boyfriend Everett, a former Army officer whose never met a pair of tight pants he hasn’t loved.
Stephen is an event planner from Alabama who left for the big city because his town was too poor to afford fireworks. “We’d have to watch them get set off in August because they would be on sale.” He has aggressive wind swept bangs and an appreciation for Lily Pulitzer prints.
Carl is a dental sales manager by day and a lothario by night. Because of his straight teeth and willingness to buy bottles of rose for strangers he is a lady favorite. Despite his understanding that making out with someone who is sharing the rental fees spells disaster he’s taken the opportunity to get down with the single twin.
IMPORTANT THINGS TO NOTE ABOUT SUMMER HOUSE:
- Part of the premiere episode was devoted to watching them cook food. (It’s like Top Chef and Real World had a baby).
- There are cameras and microphones in all of the bedrooms, which means you can see and hear people boning. (Editorial note: this is my nightmare).
- Ashley’s husband may or may not exist.
- They drink copious amounts of alcohol.
- They play beer pong like college students.
NEXT WEEK ON SUMMER HOUSE:
Carl is a player, Lindsay hates Everett, and the twins shed tears.