17 Suburban Mom Slang Translations
A cheat sheet for slang terms commonly used by suburban mothers.
1. Crack Face: What happens to your face when you get older, give birth, or raise small children.
Use: I am avoiding my high school reunion with this crack face.
2. Crack Skinny: Someone so thin they resemble someone currently under the influence of hard drugs.
Use: I could wear those leather pants if I were crack skinny.
3. Fighting Weight: The weight you aim to get back to you once you commit yourself to regular exercise, less potato chips, and no margaritas.
Use: I keep a stack of clothes in the front of my closet in case I get back to my fighting weight.
4. Skinny Fat: When you are skinny but have no muscle tone and therefore can’t lift weights of any size.
Use: Being Skinny Fat is great until an elevator breaks and you need to walk up a flight of stairs.
5. The Uniform: Loungewear such as yoga pants, sports bra, and loose fitting top.
Use: Do I have to dress up or can I wear the uniform?
6. Bed Face: What your face looks like first thing in the morning.
Use: Excuse my bed face, I didn’t have time to wash my face or put on makeup before I left the house.
7. M’peeps: People you would want to hang out with outside of obligation.
Use: I can tell they’re not m’peeps because the pretend they are too busy to watch television.
8. Sexy Time: What happens when a woman has had plenty to drink, it is dark outside, and she is in the same room as her husband.
Use: Quick, the kids are asleep and I still have a buzz, let’s have some sexy time.
9. Mom Jeans: High waisted denim adorned with pleats.
Use: Once you see me in a pair of mom jeans you have permission to strangle me.
10. Milk Jugs: Breasts filled to the maximum with baby’s milk.
Use: I can only stay another 30 minutes before my milk jugs explode.
11. Mom Juice: Alcohol.
Use: So will there by mom juice at this birthday party?
12. Drunk Face: What a woman looks like when she has pushed herself past buzzed and into potential hangover territory.
Use: We can’t post that picture because I don’t want my in-laws to see my drunk face.
13. Day Drunk: Having one too many cocktails during day light hours.
Use: Next thing I know I am day drunk in the middle of the restaurant.
14. Day Drinkers: Slipping in drinks after lunch, but before nighttime.
Use: The day drinkers hang out in the park and slip wine in the bottom of the stroller.
15. Lady Sac: The part of a woman’s body that houses a fetus.
Use: Let’s go out for happy hour in September after I have emptied my lady sac.
16. Hall Pass: An imaginary permission slip to get it on with someone that is not your spouse, typically a movie star or musician.
Use: Frank knows that my hall pass is Bradley Cooper.
17. Independence Day: When children go back to school after a long vacation.
Use: Let’s catch up after Independence Day when I can have a phone conversation without someone screaming in the background.
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