Show Recaps

The Therapist: Southern Charm Recap

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This week on Southern Charm Craig and Naomie question whether they should even continue to be a couple with their therapist and Chelsea tells Austen of a late night encounter with Shep. 

JD

Thomas looked to JD for answers. He was a jolly fellow with a kind heart and a deep love for bourbon and bow ties. He was the kind of man who kissed his kids goodnight and then retired for the night in velvet pajamas. Thomas explained to JD that Kathryn was hoping to revive her modeling career, an opportunity that was halted once she got knocked up with his baby. She had shown interest in family modeling, which is essentially the modern version of catalog posing with your children. “She’s hard to resist,” said Thomas. “Dear, Sweet Lord,” replied JD, “please tell me you are not getting back together.” Thomas assured his friend that ship had sailed. He had hoped to date Landon, but that had gone south too. She had laughed at him the night before as she rifled through his old school poems. JD noted Kathryn’s hatred for Landon ran as deep as the south.

PAY THE BILLS

It was morning when Landon’s father Michael arrived. He told her he had something to discuss with her at a barren plot beside a swamp. He had purchased the property four years ago with his partner, but had yet to build a structure. It was his hope she would manage the project despite having no experience managing real estate. “But I don’t want to let go of Roam (her web site which needed a new name because there was not an available URL), “because it is all I have ever done on my own,” she explained. “I have always told you to dream big,” Michael assured her, “but you also have to pay the electricity bills.” He was right.

FEELINGS

Cameran was surprised upon her next visit with Shep that it was mid-day, he was out of his twin bed, seemingly showered, and was reading a book. “I read, you know,” he garbled through a chicken taco. She thought his real problem was his lack of vulnerability, an issue she felt she shared. “You are afraid to get hurt, and I am afraid to have a baby and get fat” she reasoned. He reminded her that he would gladly get hurt by a girl. It would be a welcomed slap against his face. “I would love to have some actual feelings,” he replied.

POSING

Since Kathryn had no friends and Chelsea had just trimmed her hair she asked if she would help her pull outfits for her re-modeling debut. Chelsea declined to mention she had extended that offer to Cameran. “She wouldn’t sit down and have coffee with me last year, but now she is happy to offer suggestions on blouse tops. I need something in between young party girl and dowdy house frau,” she told the store’s assistant manager. Years ago she was modeling hot pants, and now she was forced to pose in sweater sets.

Cameran was visibly miserable. She guzzled a glass of wine and wondered temporarily if she should offer Kathryn a glass too. Chelsea kindly reminded her that it would likely send her back to rehab. To ingratiate herself Cameran extended an invitation to Key West for her 33rd birthday, which Kathryn happily accepted. “I hope you don’t mind I invited both Thomas and Landon,” she asked. Sure, why not? I am a few months sober, but why not go on vacation with the father of my children and the trollop who wants to be his wife? Sounds amazing!

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Chelsea and Austen met in the parking lot outside her hair salon to discuss their weekend plans. She would meet his parents and he would try desperately to figure out why she’s incapable of committing. She wanted him to know that the previous night Shep had tried to hold her in his arms promising to love her like Austen never could. He assured her Austen was far more attracted to Landon.

“Shep’s a shitty person,” Craig told Austen later that evening. They had already committed to a bro’s night out. “Did you try to kiss Chelsea?” Austen asked Shep as soon as he arrived. “I was just testing her,” Shep explained, “and she passed!” Craig reminded everyone Shep had tried unsuccessfully to have sex with Naomie the night he met her. “I am no lothario,” said Shep. “Now you know I have no idea what that means!” cried Craig.

BRO CODE

But hadn’t Austen violated bro code to begin with? Was Chelsea playing them both? Also, why was Cameran trying to play matchmaker? Craig and Whitney tried their best to withhold their laughter. It was not every day someone forced Shep to look at himself in the mirror, I mean outside his own bathroom and the rear view window of his car.

Austen brought to everyone’s attention a conversation he had with Shep five weeks before. Shep taunted Austen reminding him he did not make enough money to keep the interest of a former contestant on Survivor now trimming bangs at a Hair Cuttery. “She’s slumming it with you,” said Shep while Thomas giggled in the background. It was blue blood douchery at its finest. Shep’s very handsome friend Beau tried to defend him, but Shep walked off angry and totally disinterested in making amends. (Why is Beau not on this show?)

PHOTO SHOOT

Kensie was overcome with grief when separating from Kathryn after a long photo shoot. Kathryn cried in the photo studio and so did I.

THERAPIST

At the therapist’s office Naomie and Craig continued to battle. She still thought he spent half the day sleeping and he resented the way she didn’t support him and his HGTV lifestyle. Moreover she had shared with the group days earlier that he was confused being a pescatarian with an Episcopalian. “I’ve never been with someone who so refuses to be on my side,” Craig told the therapist. Archival footage showed Naomie expressing to Craig how disinterested she was to be with someone who slept all day. “Sometimes you present loser behavior, specifically when I’ve worked a 14-hour day and come home to you in bed.” He valiantly tried to say he was asleep because he’s been up since 5:00 am working international markets. “Really, Craig?” asked Naomie. “I don’t want to be with someone like you,” said Naomie. “You believe you are perfect and it’s not accurate.” 

NEXT WEEK:

In Key West Kathryn and Landon argue over Thomas and Chelsea can’t keep her story about Shep straight.

Southern Charm, Recap, Therapist, Craig, Naomie

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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