Show Recaps

Southern Charm Recap: Shape It Up

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This week on Southern Charm Cameran attempted to get in shape, Naomie grew frustrated with Craig’s lack of hustle, and Shep and Chelsea disagreed on how far they took things in private. 

GET IN SHAPE, GIRL

Cameran had made peace with her changing metabolism. Though she was 33 years old with the body of a 19 year old, she understood she could no longer sustain a diet rich in corn syrup and grease. Though she could easily wear any brand of workout clothing she lacked the physical stamina to push a pile of free weights and her equally skinny friend Chelsea quickly across a gym floor.

SHAPE IT UP

Cameron’s dream of Chelsea and Shep becoming soulmates may have hit a wall when it was discovered they had conflicting accounts of a late night make out session. Shep told Whitney they boned, and Chelsea said they had an above the sheets party. Cameran warned her to take this slow, which was fine with her. She wanted things to go slow it would give her ample opportunity to possibly-bone Shep’s younger competition Austin.

Landon and Craig met over a charcuterie plate to discuss their dreams of independent wealth and philanthropy. They agreed it was unbecoming of Shep to note their love of living in the clouds. Shep, on the other hand, noted in a conversation with Naomie that he might not always have the best delivery, but that a true friendship is rooted in telling someone what he or she don’t want to hear. “For example,” he said, “Craig is not a philanthropist. Craig doesn’t even have a law degree.” Craig’s former law school classmate backed up this claim late into the episode. “According to the Internet Craig is a gardener.” Naomie collapsed her head into her hands and then went over to her parents to talk shit about him in French.

SHAKE DOWN

Craig, you see, spent his days taking care of a cat. He had perfected the use of a woodchopper and vice. While his girlfriend completed her MBA he thought about planting oregano and researching loafers. When she asked him to help her with friend’s charity he lets tasks go until the last minute. “I never get stressed,” said Craig, “I can just move it from my mind.” This was Naomie’s frustration. It’s easy to not get stressed when your head is stuck in the sand. It’s easy to not get stressed when someone else is completing your step and repeat (he thought it was release). Of course, he pointed out, everything would work out in the end to support her friend’s charity, which brings awareness to the tsunami earthquake in Haiti.

Patricia missed out on things, she was out of town wearing silk kaftans and walking around in expensive shoes.

SHAPELESS

Part of Kathryn’s come back from rehab involved taking another stab at modeling. She waltzed into the offices of Get It Girl School of Modeling, but was told she had pretty much aged out of the business. She was now an old hag without eye makeup and wild hair. (In catalog modeling you can work longer). “Do you have kids?” the recruiter asked. She did not explain to her that she lost primary custody and could only see them with supervised visits. In a swift kick to the nuts the recruiter noted Kathryn should no longer use old photos in her portfolio. Perhaps she could start taking photos with her kids a la the J. C. Penney catalog?

Thomas kept alive his wish to find a woman who had a “pleasing personality” and was willing to put up with the mother of his two small children. He invited Landon to his primary home and offered her a high calorie drink with monogrammed napkin. “You know how you can burn calories,” he whispered. She pretended to be interested.

OUT OF SHAPE

Later Shep escorted his Billy Cyrus cover band buddy Walker to a bar so that he could share a drink with Thomas and Austin. Shep and Thomas laughed as they realized yet again they had both slept with the same woman. What made it even worse was the fact they were somehow related. “That’s pretty dicey,” noted Austen before luring Chelsea away from Shep.

Thomas, unsuccessful his attempt to make out with a woman 25 years younger gathered up his cane and bow tie and went back to his primary home. It would not be a night of buttery nipples. Shep left for a family wedding, which was a real boner buzz kill.

NEXT WEEK:

Thomas throws a polo party.

Southern Charm, Shape It Up, Craig, Naomie, Shep

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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