Naomie: 15 Observations From Southern Charm
This week on Southern Charm Jennifer hosted a sip and see, Shep tried yoga, Thomas and Landon were set up, and Craig and Naomie were beginning to hate each other.
15 Observations From Southern Charm This Week
NO NO NAOMIE
- Craig is always late. He lives on Pacific Craig Time, a time zone for people who believe the world revolves around them.
- Shep prefers it when one-night-stands leave before dawn. If he likes them he lets them watch him do a load of laundry or floss his teeth. Joanna, for example, was allowed to watch him do a load of whites.
- Shep’s doctor informed him he had high cholesterol because he only eats bar food and he had an inflamed liver enzyme because he drinks straight from the keg. To stave off cirrhosis of the liver he promised himself (and his parents) he would take ginkgo biloba pills and eat fruit smoothies for at least five days.
- Since Thomas was worried about losing his mojo Patricia and Whitney arranged a dinner party so he could sit across the table from Landon. Cameran wondered why they didn’t just date. Landon wondered the same thing until she looked at her cell phone text message history filled with notes from a despondent Kathryn.
- Patricia thinks all problems can be fixed with a dinner party or prepared by someone else.
- Patricia buys rail alcohol at Costco for dinner guests under age 40.
- Thomas would never make Landon sign a prenup.
- Craig wanted to build a real estate portfolio despite not yet passing the bar and spending his free time doing embroidery. Naomie worried about this, which was why she vented to Shep, Cameran, and the operator at the psychic hotline. He had Cameran spend countless hours like the host of Househunters International showing shitty properties before settling on a modest family home somewhere in a residential area.
- Chelsea and Austen met at Holy City for drinks. It was his opportunity to show his passion for beer, which his parents Wendy and Thomas worried would amount to jack squat. The couple probably boned later.
- Cameran introduced Shep to her weird doll. He was hopeful he’d one day meet someone, although it was probably unlikely. “Shep is bored and needs someone,” Cameran noted. “Cameran is bored and needs a baby,” Shep noted.
- Shep met up with Kathryn at a yoga class so he could sweat out beer and find potential dates. His body could not withstand the stretching, but he was glad to see Kathryn seemed like her shit was together despite her gnawed off fingernails.
- Jennifer held a sip and see at her home, which should be featured in a southern design magazine. Whitney didn’t want to hold her baby.
- Craig and Naomie got into a fight because Craig was late to the sip and see and because Naomie revealed to everyone their life is in fact not perfect. No one was surprised.
- JD has a motorcycle.
- Thomas and Jennifer made amends.
NEXT WEEK: Craig and Naomie seek the help of a counselor.
Join the newsletter
Subscribe to get our latest content by email.