Show Recaps

Southern Charm Recap: Key West

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This week on Southern Charm Kathryn and Landon fought it out in Key West, Florida. 

KEY WEST

Cameran wanted to salute the good years of her life, the ones she lived before giving birth to a baby, with a trip to Key West, Florida, which Whitney lovingly referred to as a complete shit hole. It may have been a 48-hour journey, but it would be done with the spirit of a woman ready to get impregnated — let’s go out in a blaze of glory.

GIZMO

Craig, who spent his days having long winded conversations with a cat and making home economic projects, worried it wasn’t the ideal time to take a trip with Naomie. After several therapy sessions they had come to the conclusion that it was time to shit or get off the pot. Should we make this work or cut our losses? She thought he was basically a childless housewife and he thought she had an undiagnosed hearing disorder, which gave her difficulty tolerating everyday sounds including his voice.

WHAT IS THE STORY?

Shep felt bad about the way he pulled Chelsea aside and tried to make out with her behind a bar. She appreciated the apology and immediately made a mental note to retell the sequence of events to Austen, but specifically moments before she met his parents at their lovely home. She happily sipped wine from his parent’s goblets while he tried not to replay in his head the argument he had with Shep a week before. Last week she made it seem like she had been manhandled and 25 minutes ago she said he caressed her arm. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, Chelsea?

MOM FRIENDS

Kathryn made her first jaunt to Cameran’s home wearing a white space suit. She advised Cameran that once a baby is rested on her chest she would know that she made the right decision. “Jason was not a cute baby,” Cameran explained. “My husband looked like an albino baby possum.” Kathryn took the opportunity to explain how Landon enjoyed a romantic Valentine’s Day trip to a plantation with Thomas a week after they broke up. “Landon is not a girl’s girl,” she explained. Basically it was her opinion Landon would kick someone down the stairs if it meant she got a free trip to a resort.

RICHES

Patricia bought a $35,000 gold elephant to adorn her fireplace.

DO NOTHING

Landon and Thomas met in his main house, which his children never visited to discuss the Key West trip. “I told Cam that until Kathryn apologized I can’t come, then again I shouldn’t pass up the trip because then she wins,” she said. Thomas advised her to just remain calm and say nothing. If Kathryn has a screw loose, then just sit there. Landon appreciated his advice and then noted she had good beachwear.

SHE IS A BIRD

Whitney was horrified by his suite, a beautiful room in an oceanfront hotel. The others were just happy they were served pina coladas. During a beach moment Cameran explained to Chelsea, Jen, and Landon that Kathryn’s animosity was routed deep in an aborted journey to someone’s home in Savannah. Chelsea tried with little success to map out for Landon how easily one could get distressed if the man of their life (especially the father of their child) could be if they witnessed another woman try to duplicate their life. Landon aggressively disagreed. “You need to treat Kathryn like a wounded bird,” explained Cameran, which made Jen laugh.

DINNER PLANS

After several panoramic views of Kathryn’s hotel bed and bedside tables the group met up for their dinner shuttle. Leading the pack were Shep and Austen, who had made amends and agreed to wear matching catering shirts. Craig and Naomie fought the entire way because she wasn’t willing to bring her own purse, and Craig filled up his white jean pockets with chewing tobacco.

SORRY

Everyone ordered high maintenance cocktails, including Kathryn, which surprised several of the cast. Hadn’t she just returned from rehab? As dinner was placed before them Thomas offered insemination advice to Cameran and Whitney inquired whether there was any chance Kathryn still lit a flame for Thomas. “There is absolutely no chance we will get back together,” Kathryn explained. “I never had a chance to say I am sorry,” Kathryn told Whitney. It was as if the gates of hell had begun to crack open.

“I have been doing a lot of transcendental meditation,” Whitney noted,  “so I believe we can all be cordial.” In his pursuit for inner peace he encouraged Landon and Kathryn to find similar happiness by sitting face to face like contestants on the $25,000 Pyramid. Danni, an angel winged dove who only appeared in a few episodes this season suggested they both just move forward. Craig, a real housewife of Charleston, explained to everyone while tobacco fell out of his mouth that it is best to confront the issues which gave them such resentment, otherwise what was the point? “You are not a woman, get out of it,” Danni reminded Craig.

BETRAYAL

“I am really sorry I hurt your feelings,” said Landon while Thomas looked at her with his head tilted. “I think he uses me as a weapon against you,” she added, which knocked Thomas to his feet. Hadn’t she said for months that Kathryn was a horrible person? Why was she throwing him under the bus? It made him rethink proposing marriage to Landon and naming the polo field in her honor. Kathryn tied her neck scarf tighter. Landon threw her arms around Kathryn and prayed to the Key West Gods that she would forgive her.

The next morning they reminded Shep that he’d let a drag queen lick his abdomen. They all ate sausage to help them recover from prodigious amounts of rail alcohol the previous evening. Kathryn scolded Thomas for letting a 20-year-old babysit their son. Landon switched personalities and defended Kathryn’s honor.

NEXT WEEK:

Shit continues to hit the fan and Danni passes out.

Southern Charm, Recap, Key West

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mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

4 Comments

  1. Danielle S.

    June 22, 2017 at 5:51 am

    HAHA…this is amazing. Craig is definitely a childless Real Housewife of Charleston. He is the Sonya of Southern Charm with all of his “businesses” and grand plans. Maybe instead of a toaster oven like Sonya, he can brand a Sewing Machine. I would have kicked him to the curb a long time again if I was Naomi!

    Great recap, thanks for the laughs!

  2. Cary

    June 22, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    Does anyone know the name of the hotel that the southern charm cast stayed at in Key West Florida

    • mm

      Kate

      June 23, 2017 at 9:08 pm

      Was it the Southernness or something similar?

    • Tracey

      June 28, 2017 at 1:12 pm

      I think it was the Southernmost Beach Resort

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