Southern Charm Recap: Founder’s Ball
This week on Southern Charm Kathryn appreciated that Thomas screamed at his guests in her honor and hoped it would mean they would once again have a future. JD and Whitney told Thomas their concerns about his erratic behavior, and the group attended the second annual Founder’s Ball, which ended with a catfight.
THE PARTY IS OVER
They had all escaped on a golf cart, fleeing to Landon’s house to enjoy a pizza and red wine while dissecting the disaster that was Thomas. He was confused. He had invited them over for some dinner and for the opportunity to stick up for the woman he regularly called certifiably crazy. Things went awry went the bourbon kicked in, which was hardly his fault. The only thing that held back Shep from punching Thomas in the throat was that he worried it would culminate with a dry cleaning bill. “My mom refuses to pay my dry cleaning bill,” he explained.
“People don’t like to hear the truth,” Kathryn reasoned. “It is a tale as old as time. Tennessee Williams wrote about it, so did the people who wrote Frozen. For real, y’all.” She thanked Thomas later on the couch of the home she would never be permitted to live in. He asked what her plans were for the evening forgetting she had just given birth to his baby. But she was glad he wanted her again, so she slept in the green ball skirt and mink coat she’d worn to dinner.
Craig needed time to take the bar and picking up coffee orders and sending out evites for bourbon tastings did not help matters. He gave the news to JD delicately who waited until he had left his office to mouth the words thank God to one of the camera crew. That night he updated Naomie. “I’ve made some decisions without your counsel and I want you to know that I have some regrets,” he said. Jesus, Craig, just say it, she pleaded. “I want to be a fancy boyfriend and this job will never allow me to provide for you what you deserve.” She supported him because she wanted the best for him, especially if she would be able to get more Hermes boxes like the one that had been sitting on the coffee table.
Shep opened the Commodore, the latest purchase in his dive bar empire. It had an uneven floor, Christmas themed lighting, and the smell of cigarettes put out in blocks of cheese. Landon swung by to discuss her profession of love, which he appreciated but politely declined. She was afraid he would end up 50 years old without a partner or kids. He worried he would get sick of making out with one person for the rest of his life.
Over dinner Whitney asked Thomas if it was Southern to invite people over for dinner and insult them. It was an honest mistake, Thomas explained to them. He was under a tremendous amount of pressure having two kids after the age of 50 and a young unwed mother. He was hopeful he could fix the damage. “To quote Michael Jackson, I could start with the man in the mirror,” said Thomas. Ah, yes, the gloved one. He added, it was also Lita Ford who said, “It ain’t no big thang.”
Kathryn wanted to make sure that before she and Thomas attended the Founders Ball she understood what had transpired between he and Landon. “She has tried to undermine our relationship,” Thomas said. She asked him to no longer to speak to her, a promise he had said he was willing to make. “I can see her for what she is worth. She just wants to be with a rich man,” said the woman who purposely became impregnated with older rich man’s baby. “You have the wisdom of someone who has lived many past lives,” Thomas told her. She was happy he could see she had magical ways, specifically within the pelvis area.
It became Patricia’s mission to jazz up Landon. She was too wash and wear. She needed to attract a man of substance and would not do so wearing boat shoes. She instructed her on makeup and hair. She lent her a fur. It was the least she could do sitting on a pile of information about how to attract the right kind of man with your charm and beauty. It was work maintaining that elegance. It took patience, intellect, and oxygen therapy to look as good as she did.
At the Founders Ball Landon was surprised to see Shep had escorted her friend Robyn. Cameran was surprised when Kathryn took a seat at the group’s table. But nothing surprised Kathryn more than when Thomas touched Landon’s open back. Rather than upsetting Thomas who had been hosting her that weekend she took Landon to an empty stairwell to berate her. She insisted she knew Landon was trying to proposition Thomas, a fact she altogether denied. Landon asked Thomas to explain to Kathryn before a table of people enjoying small plates to explain to his seemingly high lady friend that they had never dated nor made out. Kathryn’s eyes grew wide. She was furious Thomas had lied but more furious that Landon’s voice was high pitched like a dolphin.
They were reunited at the valet stand. “Good night, darling,” Landon said to Craig as she air kissed his ear. “This is beneath me. Patricia, my leader, would encourage me to leave at once.” She pulled her Dior coat shut and swung her chandelier earrings from side to side. She’d had enough.
Ten minutes later as the Founders Ball guests danced Shep asked Robyn why she couldn’t have just taken the high road. “Do you think Landon will admit she’s slept with Thomas?”
HANG ON. WHAT?
The plot thickened.
Shit was about to get real.
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