Show Recaps

Closing Deals: Southern Charm Recap

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This week on Southern Charm Thomas encouraged Whitney to work on closing deals with women, Kathryn had a new perspective, and Craig devoted himself to HGTV. 


Whitney was proud of Thomas. It took not a career in politics, but fathering two small children for him to mellow. Whitney’s life, however, could not have been more different. He had accepted the fact his long distance relationship with a former contestant on Austria’s Next Topmodel was going nowhere. Now he was free to make love to the women of Charleston. “It’s all about closing deals,” said Thomas. “If you are single you have to go all in.” He encouraged him to make things happen in restaurant bathrooms or in the bushes outside a dive bar. It was the frat strategy. Ignore your own physical limitations and the age listed on your driver’s license and pretend you are a junior in college.


Kathryn had a new perspective upon her return from a rehab facility in Malibu. (Of all places, she chooses Malibu, noted Cameran). One person she showed little to no interest in mending fences with was Jennifer, the only friend capable of withstanding her pre-labor meltdowns. It was unsettling for her that Jennifer and Thomas had become friendly, which was a violation of the requirements one needs to agree to in order to be in her company.


Jennifer in the meantime had given birth to a beautiful baby boy after a routine scan revealed during her pregnancy that he suffered from brain encephalocele – a rare neural tube defect resulting in part of the brain partially extruded through the skull. She had not heard from Kathryn since Ascher’s birth and immediate brain surgery. Even Thomas had called out of concern. As Cameran held Ascher in her arms (and she mulled whether holding her own baby was in the cards) she threw her head back in disbelief. “Here, take him back,” Cameran said to the baby nurse. Her lady cavity would remain barren.


Naomi grew frustrated with Craig’s new love for horticulture and cats. The man she fell in love with was a law student, and the man she was living with was a geriatric patient. “I don’t know what Craig does all day,” said Naomi, “except I suspect it involves lounge pants, Golden Girls reruns, and drinking Metamucil.” She wasn’t the only person frustrated. Shep, who looked at Craig like a stoner younger brother encouraged him to get his shit together. “Look at you, you can’t even be on time to hits balls at a batting cage.” (He blamed it on allergies). Craig wondered why Shep was so obsessed with his life. Was he that unhappy? Shouldn’t he get a hobby? Shep then noted he, Whitney, and Cameran had taken him off a group text, building up a separate group. “Oh, that group text?” said Cameran later at that week. “We have that group text to make fun of your Instagram pictures.” 


Cameran set up Shep with her friend Chelsea based on their mutual love of bar food and hunting. Shep was into her, but not enough that he would spend an entire party beside her side. The decision would likely backfire as his protégé Austen hovered in the background.


Landon’s venture Roam had finally become a wordpress site. She threw herself a party to celebrate the launch of the home page alongside her business partner who wrote all the content and the intern who probably did everything else. Shep threw water on the fire when he pulled Landon aside to warn her that her relationship in technology circles was in the shitter. Probably not in your best interest to tell a potential partner their site sucks, you only hang out with billionaires, and you get things paid for you wherever you go. Landon stuck her head in a hole only lifting it to note that Shep has never had a real job.

Thomas, who had suddenly begun to lactate, congratulated Landon on her minimal progression. Landon’s younger boyfriend Drew left a wedding to wish her well while wearing a high school graduation ringer on his pinky. Whitney brought his friend Daisy who could barely keep her head upright.


Kathryn comes out of model retirement.

Southern Charm Recap, Closing Deals, Roam, Landon



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