Show Recaps

Southern Charm Recap: Romancing Austen

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This week on Southern Charm Craig judges Thomas’ parenting style at a polo match, at Shep’s 37th birthday party Whitney confronts Landon about her true feelings for Thomas, and Cameran tries to convince Shep it’s not too late to win Chelsea from Austen.

The air was thick that afternoon on the plantation.

POLO

Thomas invited the others to come watch him ride a horse around his backyard and enlisted Landon to help him with the event planning process. She enjoyed that sort of thing, placing flowers in vases and making sure there were enough bottles of white wine beside the Tito’s sponsored drink tent. “I would like this one day,” said Landon, “to have a husband, a home, a few children and an endless bank account.” Then she remembered Thomas had two children living in his guesthouse with a nanny named Deirdre because their mother had just returned from rehab. Was it worth the headache, having to deal with children from another relationship? Then again she would claim ownership of a metal bridge, horse stables, and a husband with wooden teeth.

GET THEM OUT OF HERE

Craig, Landon, and Austen walked down to say hello to Thomas during half time to ask him about the rules of the game no one was watching. He mentioned the importance of not going past the line when his kids were pushed past him while sitting in their jogging stroller. Kensington called out for her father, but Thomas encouraged them to keep moving. He didn’t have time for small talk with anyone, much less two children under 3 who needed his attention. It was the world championships for backyard horse hockey, after all, except the two teams were actually based out of the same town and there were no medals.

HOW IS THIS OKAY?

This all bothered Craig. “How can you guys be comfortable with what we just witnessed?” asked Craig. Landon explained to him that it was just protocol in the south. If your child walks past you in the middle of your workout scream at the child care attendant to get them out of the way. “It’s what is just what is done here, its not like Delaware,” she explained. “Can you imagine if your parent didn’t want to spend time with you?” he asked her. She reminded him that her father nearly humiliated her on national television last season reminding her to get a real job. “Oh, right,” my bad,” said Craig.

CHELSEA AND AUSTEN

As that fiasco was unfolding Chelsea and Austen were growing closer. They couldn’t ignore their sexual chemistry and mutual love for pale ales and chicken wings. Besides, Shep had been out of town for a wedding in the northeast, so Austen was free to date the girl he had kissed a few nights before. As he would explain to Cameran he’d even made out hard with some hot girl from LA the minute he left town. Since Austen referred to her as dream girl in his contact’s list he was overjoyed when Chelsea took his call and agreed to drive outside of Charleston city limits for a horse party. Cameron’s plan to find Shep a woman willing to marry him was starting to backfire.

Whitney watched this all happen from a plantation balcony. He’d run upstairs so he could avoid Kathryn’s baby who was dressed like he was performing in an off Broadway production of Little Lord Fauntleroy. He later reported the details to Shep once he’d returned home and had a full night of late drinking. “I know you are hung over, but your protégé with the pleated khakis is moving in on the girl who cuts everyone’s hair,” said Whitney. Shep let out a sigh and made a grilled cheese never revealing his disappointment.

OUR CLASS

Days later Craig met up with Kathryn so he could explain to her how the father of her children, the one she rarely now sees due to a court order, is an asshole. It wasn’t exactly a surprise to Kathryn, nor was Craig’s assertion Landon was obviously gunning for a life as Mrs. Ravenal. “I can read people,” said Kathryn. She could see years ago that Landon’s eyeballs grew wide when anyone mentioned the Ravenal Bridge. It was clear she envisioned herself as a first lady of the Plantation. She was the one who shared with Thomas a love for horses, real estate portfolios, and architecture. He and Kathryn shared a love for hostile environments. “You are OC,” said Thomas, which meant “our class,” a term used by horrible people with family money. “I will drink to that,” said Landon as the young man she’d been boning watched from afar.

“I want a woman who reflects well on the Ravanel name,” said the man who served time in prison and then hid the mother off his children from public life during his failed state Senate bit.

Shep thought if he swung past Chelsea’s salon and asked for his curls to be thinned out she could understand how serious he was about their non-relationship. She was happy to tell him she had been on a date with Austen knowing Shep’s abysmal record staying faith fun for more than one day. It was Austen she had spent the previous night with consuming buckets of cocktails. Shep had some competition, which was not something he was used to having.

The next day Shep threw himself a 37th birthday party on a boat cruise and made sure his ex-girlfriend Bailey attended. If there is one way to make a woman who is not that interested in you jealous it is to flirt with your ex-girlfriend in front of her. “I like you,” Chelsea told Austen, which made him light up like a Christmas tree. They were both Gemini’s and eventually wanted to have kids, which was reason enough to start thinking about a wedding registry.

DON’T STOP BELIEVING

Cameran pulled Shep aside and reminded him that time was moving fast. “Forget the fact that I am still mulling whether I should have a baby with my husband, do you want to be alone your whole life?” she asked. “Keep this up and you will be 55 years old wearing no shoelaces,” as she pointed to Thomas on his phone letting Deirdre the nanny know he would be home later that night.

In other news Cameran explained to Naomie that her boyfriend Craig was planning on a career in real estate development, which was a departure from his law school plans. Would she be willing to withstand his inability to decide on a career? Could they make it in the long run? Would she get a paraffin wax and callus remover on her feet? It was too much to bear.

NEXT WEEK:

Cameran buys a voodoo doll.

Southern Charm, Recap, Polo Match

 

 

 

 

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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