Humor

Sorority For Women Over 30

By  | 

SORORITY SISTERS

I wish I had joined a sorority.

I went to an all-women’s Catholic college in Washington, D.C, which lacked a Greek system. I had no other option but to build a network, make friends, and develop leadership and social skills on a small campus taught by mostly nuns.

I’ve always thought I would have enjoyed sorority life because I am all about community service and sisterhood. I’ve always liked the idea of wearing matching t-shirts and taking group pictures. I have always envisioned myself as the kind of sister who would have risen through the ranks to become sorority President.

PARENT’S WEEKEND

My babysitter is currently in a sorority at University of Michigan. She has invited me to parent’s weekend in the fall and I plan on using the weekend for research purposes. What happens in a sorority house? Do they braid hair and make collages? Do they make up dance routines? Can I can pretend I am one of her sorority sisters?  I am assuming she won’t mind it when I ask to stay in the sorority house and host an 80’s rollerskating themed party. She can just say I skipped the bidding process and moved right into a leadership position. I only look old because I spent the summer working on a yacht in St. Tropez. I know way too much about celebrities over the age of 30 because I minor in television and cultural studies.

A LEGACY

One of my husband’s closest friends started his own fraternity at UCLA. To this day they refer to him as the godfather. That is the kind of legacy I would like to leave this world. I’d like to be the godmother to an undergraduate social organization, but for obvious reasons I worry that ship has probably sailed. I already have an undergraduate degree, I am married and the mother of four children. I no longer have the kind of body that should be jammed into a bikini.

But what if I started a sorority now? What if despite not being enrolled in an educational institution I could recreate what my college experience lacked by establishing a sorority for women over 30?

I would call it Delta Gamma Awesome. We would have monthly meetings at my house where I would serve champagne, chips and guacamole, and gluten free pizza.

MEMBERSHIP WOULD INCLUDE:

  1. Entrance exam featuring questions on history of MTV’s Real World, Beverly Hills 90210, Real Housewives, and boy bands of the 90s.
  2. Mandatory events including The Bachelor finale viewing and discussion groups.
  3. Big Sis/Little Sis mentoring program where older members can offer advice on preschool admission strategy, retirement investing, and how to deal with your in-laws.
  4. Educational seminars on starting your own business, mixing cocktails, and the art of taking business calls while locking yourself in your bathroom so no one can hear your kids screaming at you.
  5. Guest speaking series including the Long Island Medium Teresa Caputo and the makeup and hair team responsible for Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
  6. Yoga clothes emblazoned with the sorority letters.
  7. Fundraisers featuring karaoke.
  8. Annual retreat in Bora Bora with topless butlers.
  9. Secret handshake involving jazz hands and a high kick.

Would you like to pledge?

sorority, women, college, friends

Join the newsletter

Subscribe to get our latest content by email.

Powered by ConvertKit
mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

6 Comments

  1. Katie

    June 17, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    That sounds perfect!! 🙂

  2. Nancy

    August 17, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    I’d pledge for sure! Sounds like much more fun than the actual sorority I was (briefly) in!

  3. Lori

    May 25, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    How strict are these membership rules? I much preferred 80’s hair bands to 90s boy bands. I’d need roller skating lessons and a thorough stretching sequence would be necessary before any high kicking was attempted.

  4. Krisi

    January 26, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Mandatory chapter meetings that require us to leave our families for an evening are a must! Rather than puff pastry-chicken breasts and plastic pitchers of ice water (a staple at my sorority house in the late 80’s), we’d have pitchers of margaritas and a taco bar! Pledge me, please!!!

    • mm

      Kate

      January 26, 2018 at 10:48 pm

      You are in!

  5. Debbie

    April 12, 2019 at 9:22 am

    OMG! I just found this site…is it too late to pledge? I went to a polytechnic university and there were only 2 sororities. Sadly, I rushed but no one chose me; I am still traumatized to this day. 🙁 I know all the 80s bands like Lori; I can probably still roller skate and not care about embarrassing myself; and my jazz hands are pretty jazzy! Please pledge me, too 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *