Sister Wives Dad Says Tells Kids No Kissing or Hand Holding
Peddle The Brakes
Last night on the season premiere of our show Sister Wives we tackled the issue of dating. As you know, your sister Mykelti is now seeing a fellow named John. Christine and I wanted to sit them both down on national television and let them understand limits and decisions. What we want is to prevent the danger zones. When you kiss or hold hands this can lead to a broken heart, which I am not sure any of you are capable of handling.
Aspyn, Little Mac, Jaymaica, Dunkin – the rest of you I am slipping on your names right now – I just want the best for you. You see, kids, studies within the Polygamous science society have proven that when you kiss another person hormones go into your mouth and stimulate both the heart and the body for other reasons. When those hormones infect your mouth you can get big sores or, if you are not careful, one of your arms can fall off. You don’t need to hold someone’s hand unless you are confident you want to marry them. You should get to know each other in a safe way by standing in close proximity and nodding to each other when you are in agreement. You can figure out if you share the same dreams and values by spending time in a group setting surrounded by your siblings and at least two adult chaperones in prairie dresses and French braids.
Wait a Minute
Marriage is a big deal. It’s why I have four ladies of my own. I honor my marriage covenant by porking your four moms on a rotating schedule each week because I want to selflessly serve the Lord. You don’t serve the Lord by allowing your hands to clasp another person before you get hitched in a commitment ceremony in a banquet hall. You do it by waiting.
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