This Is Why My Sister Needs Me
My sister just started dating a doctor in New York City. I asked her today if he is celebrating Hanukkah or Christmas this holiday. She had no idea, which I found baffling because I am so skilled in the art of finding out everything I need to know about a person in under an hour.
I always feel like she needs me to accompany her on these sort of dates. How else would she be able to identify if the person she was meeting had the potential to be a serial killer? Would she necessarily notice if they had the capability to run an identity theft ring? Could she provide detectives with information that would lead to their arrest if it turned out they were not someone hoping to meet their potential life mate?
THIS WAS OUR CONVERSATION
Me: “What do you mean you have no idea?”
Her: “It just hasn’t come up.”
Me: “Even though it is December 22nd? So you have no idea what his plans are for the holidays?”
Her: “I just forgot to ask.”
Me: You understand that if I was in your situation I would have already found out the names of his siblings, where he spent his summers as a child, and quite possibility his social security number.”
Her: “I know, but what do you say without asking him directly?”
Me: You ask a question that leads to an answer. It’s simple…”Have you had time to decorate your apartment for the holiday? If so, can you be specific about what it looks like? Do you know where I can find long skinny candles to place in a menorah? Have you ever gone to a religious service at midnight? What is your favorite holiday song? If I call you on December 25th will you be available for a call or will you be busy with your family?”
This is why she needs me.
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