Recap: Real Housewives of New York
Keep on Fightin’
Carole was in disbelief. You show up to a housewarming party and next thing you know you’re trapped in a 6 year old’s bedroom with a lunatic. According to “word on the street,” which in crazy town translates to the person Aviva invented in her imagination, Carole hired someone named Bill to complete her New York Times bestselling book. But Carole had spent the last 20 years of her very lonely life in front of a typewriter.
She didn’t have the distraction of an au pair taking care of her kids or a bottomless trust fund. She had her work. Could she have had kids along the way? Maybe, but it would have meant she’d actually need an apartment with a kitchen. Aviva hired three ghostwriters to piece together her text messages into a leaflet. So for her to explain to Carole how things work in the publishing business was like listening to someone explain to Paul Abdul how to judge a television show on medication.
But Aviva felt as if Carole was too much of an elitist. Shouldn’t everyone have the opportunity to pretend to write his or her own autobiography? But when Carole stood to leave she went out of her way to point out that no one from the Kennedy family talks to Carole any longer. (It was also word on the street).
So Carole needed to go. She needed air and the image consultant Aviva now had stapled to her was trying to interfere. “At least I am not 50 years old,” Aviva pointed out. But that seemed insignificant when you have the body of a 25 year old. She had considered tripping her down the stairs, but there were too many witnesses. So she gathered her things. She explained to Kristen that while she understood she was connecting with Aviva she is really an awful person. She told Reid his wife was a psychopath and then introduced herself to Harry and told him she completely understood why he got a divorce.
Sonja Steps In
Sonja tried to calm Aviva as the four other guests watched in confusion. “You have a wonderful new home. One that I would love to live in with you if my house goes into foreclosure. You have terrific drinks. I myself have enjoyed the Singapore slings. The food was delicious, although the crab balls were not my favorite. Your hair is flowing and your makeup is assembled on your face. This is a happy time. I don’t know, maybe she’s menopausal? You have a book coming out that I probably will not read, but that is okay. Tonight we celebrate you. Do you like my hair? ”
Heather stopped by Ramona’s apartment who was busy planning her African high school graduation gift to her daughter Avery. In the old days you gave your kid some money. But there would be no better gift for an 18 year old setting out into the world on her own than a week stuck in a foreign country with your mom and dad looking at elephant balls.
Carole Is Legit
Carole met with her Editor so she could point out to America that she did in fact write her own book. Then she hosted a baby shower for a friend and invited the rest of the cast who didn’t know the birth mother so they could meet her friend who just won a Pulitzer. So we get it, Carole. You wrote your book. Aviva, on the other side of town, met with her photographer and a team of 30 to take her cover photo shoot in someone’s backyard. It was her assistant’s idea. He had done meth there once. Kristen came to meet her so she could offer some advice on standing still. Kristen asked to sit down and suggested this fight was stemmed from jealousy. But Aviva wasn’t jealous. She wasn’t just a homemaker. She had a writing background too. She had studied English in college. She went to law school. And there was the time she wrote an essay in Craigslist about a dresser she wanted to sell.
Sonja’s Intern Den
In the mean time Sonja has been appearing as Miss Hannigan in the off-off-Broadway production of Annie. But instead of orphans she has interns. And instead of doing dance numbers in the orphanage they go dancing at gay clubs and get wasted.
Ramona’s daughter and her friends got ready for the prom. It was a heartwarming moment except for the fact those girls look like they would stab someone.
And then Kristen and Heather and their husbands competed in a mud race. Heather had spent months training in the woods. Though they had promised they would support her the minute the race started they bolted in front of her. So Kristen was left sobbing underneath a barbed wire all alone and all for a plastic medal.
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