This Is Why We Gave You Siblings
Years ago, before any of you were born your father and I decided to have more than one of you. We believed then as we do now that we would get more enjoyment having a car full of screaming children rather than just one.
We know that you often grow frustrated that you have to share toys, food, and most certainly our time, but there is a reason for this. We just want the best for you and in our family’s case we believe that means co-owning all your stuff. Trust us when we say it’s better for you this way even though you will periodically scream at a wall or out an open window.
YOU NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO HANG OUT WITH
Trust us when we say that we are not that interesting. Outside of our DNA and the fact that we live in the same house, your father and I really don’t have all that much in common with you. Have you ever had a job? Do you pay taxes? Have you ever been to Las Vegas? Do you know what it’s like when you can’t find a parking spot? Conversely can we talk for 20 minutes about Power Rangers? Do either of us know all the characters in Star Wars? Would we be able to identify Rock Star Barbie in a line up? The answer is no, which is why you guys have each other.
YOU PROBABLY WON’T BECOME HORRIBLE PEOPLE
Studies have proven children with siblings are less likely to be selfish and more likely to share and resolve problems. You should remember this when you get a report card noting you are a delight in the classroom. We made it possible.
YOU NEED A WITNESS
We know you will need someone to turn to when we embarrass you (which in your mother’s case will be often). You will want someone to call and complain to when we don’t see your point or don’t support the poor choices you will probably make.
ADMISSIONS DEPARTMENT ADVANTAGES
You will thank us when you receive preferential treatment to the college of your choice. Other kids will need their parents to pay off admissions counselors, and you can thank your brother or sister.
You will never have to worry about having empty seats at your college graduation or at your wedding because we will take up at least a few rows. You want a fan club? We just made you one.
PARTNERS IN CRIME
A sibling will be helpful to you when you need a fake driver’s license in college or someone to pretend you came home before curfew. Who will help you vacuum and repair door hinges when one of you throws a party while we are away for the night? You will need an accomplice and lucky for you they live down the hall.
When the time comes for us to need assisted living options or someone to pull the plug you will have other people to help you. Why let one of you handle that burden when you can share it with others?
Your siblings will be there for every victory and defeat, each and every monumental moment throughout your life. They will provide you with a lifetime of emotional support, friendship, and countless inside jokes. Basically we let go of any dream of going on a quiet vacation for the next 18 years so you guys can have built-in best friends.
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