Real Housewives of Orange County
Erasing: Real Housewives of Orange County Recap
This week on Real Housewives of Orange County Tamra and Ryan reflected on erasing parents from a child’s life, Peggy and Vicki bonded, and Kelly got her vagina tightened.
Shannon drove 44 minutes down several freeways to visit Tamra who had been awaiting her visiting with a bottle of pills. “Take this,” she told her, and handed her a container with CLEAR MOOD written across the front. She’d seen it on an Infomercial and was happily surprised to find it on the As Seen On TV shelf at Rite-Aid. They both strained to read the label, but figured if it tasted like breath mints they were probably fine. They sat in the living room and reflected on the night at Quiet Woman. They agreed Kelly was crazed and that Shannon needs to do a better job controlling her vocal range and plate throwing.
Kelly, however, saw things differently. As she steam cleaned bodysuits in her bedroom she explained to her husband Michael that she had simply had a quarrel, one that was minor albeit culminated with her suggesting she continue binge eating. “This girl holds a grudge,” said Michael, oblivious to the fact the argument was still pretty fresh. “She’s fun loving like you,” said Michael as archival footage highlighted all the parties Kelly has been thrown out of. The problem, Kelly insisted, was that Tamra was a puppet master obfuscating Shannon from Kelly’s playful sense of humor. “I honestly believe that Shannon and I could be friends,” said Kelly. “In a perfect world I would never have conflict with people,” explained Kelly. Then they argued about the definition of Stockholm Syndrome.
Lydia’s mother hosted a birthday party for her grandson despite weather reports indicating there would be a monsoon that day. As the children sat in a home theater the Real Housewives sat in the kitchen discussing Shannon’s emotional problems while wearing Lydia’s mom’s supply of kitchen crowns. (It was a collaboration between producers and the marketing department promoting the Emoji movie now out in theaters). Then she sprinkled them with glitter from an art supply store while chanting a made up prayer from a self-help book. “Thank you for coming to my son’s birthday party,” Lydia told Vicki. “It was a pleasure,” said Vicki despite the fact she would have rather spent that day doing 546 other things. She also made peace with the fact Lydia’s mother had destroyed one of her ottomans.
Before the party ended Peggy shared details about her mastectomy with Kelly and Vicki. “I will be there for you no matter what you need,” said Vicki. This meant helping out with the kids or more importantly with any life insurance policies. Later she confessed she prefers not speaking with friends about their health struggles. “It’s just too personal,” said the woman who helped co-conspire on a fake cancer storyline. Days later she arrived at Peggy and Diko’s home to discuss the details of the mastectomy further. “You said some things to my wife at that party,” said Diko, “and Peggy appreciated this.” It was unclear why Diko was her translator.
Vicki could see the potential for a friendship with Peggy based on the fact she had nearly grown children, an enormous amount of personal wealth, and had little to no loyalty to Tamra or Shannon. “Stick with me,” said Vicki, which was like making a secret deal with a foreign dictator. Sure, she seemed nice, but does she really have my best interest at heart? No, of course she doesn’t.
AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
Meghan hired her niece Bridget, a young woman with possibly no experience with children as her nanny. “She’s probably fine, right?” she asked Jim one night. She had adjusted to motherhood fairly well. Her non-existent baby weight was falling off quickly, which she figured was due to her exceptional gene pool and to breast feeding. As Bridget assembled a cracker and cheese platter Meghan explained to her that she had spoken little to Kelly in the last few months. “It’s weird,” she noted, “I texted Kelly to ask about her affair and she had the audacity to suggest Jim was having an affair too. Also, when she did this I was 7 months pregnant.” Kelly explained in her own confessional interview that if she were having an affair she would happily tell people.
After small talk beside the cheese platter about Kelly’s shirtdress they sat and reflected on the rewards of motherhood. “Meghan, Aspen is hungry,” said Bridget from the hallway. “Bring her to me,” said Meghan and then promptly fed her in full view. “She’s growing,” said Kelly doing her best to avoid the awkward visual and inevitable topic of conversation. “The way that Kelly goes after people is not normal,” she noted. “It’s like dealing with a 3 year old,”
Tamra participated in a forthcoming documentary on erasing parents from a child’s life. It was a full circle moment as she had spent her childhood siding with her mother in her parent’s acrimonious divorce. It was no secret she had no relationship with one of her daughters, one that was likely precipitated by the episode she humped Eddie in a tub or her Bachelorette party weekend at a Mexican resort with strippers. That relationship was, however, on the mend, as she and Simon had finally started to communicate and reflect on the emotional toll of a divorce on children. Son Ryan had also done some reflecting. Now that he was a father and quasi stepparent he realized that although he despised Simon he now understood the way he tried to set rules and encouraged him to find a paying job.
Later that night Tamra became emotional when it was obvious her mother would not be attending an event for the erasing parents charity, one that would include her giving a speech. “I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t be here?” asked Tamra. “Maybe it’s because my dad is here with his new wife?” Or maybe it was because she would discuss on national television what an awful job her own mother had done parenting her?
In other news Shannon tried to teach her daughter Sophie how to drive, and Kelly got her vagina tightened.
Lydia travels to Hawaii to ask her husband to get a vasectomy, and Peggy clamps down Meghan’s lips.
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