Real Housewives of NY Premiere Wrap-Up

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As if I could not enjoy my night anymore, Bravo aired the series premiere of the third season of Real Housewives of New York City. Besides watching Mia reach various milestones, how could two hours bring me such joy?
Ramona is on fire. She has a new haircut and her face looks tighter. With her bikini and sarong (and a borrowed yacht to boot) she is ready to start off the summer send-off. She thinks she looks like an older version of Cameron Diaz. Jill thinks she looks like Grandma Mabel. I think if you can wear a bikini and not look like a hot mess you should do it. For example, I look like a ghost in a wad of fabric. No one needs to see that, much less a national audience.
Ramona invites LuAnn, Jill, and Alex for a spin, just enough time to unveil her costume jewelry collection. This excursion allows LuAnn the opportunity to complain about Mario calling her Count-less at a party during the summer. She thought it was a low blow given her impending divorce. I can see why she was upset. What else does she have now? She has spent the last two seasons bragging about being royalty. Unfortunately for her, Americans do not care about titles. How can you brand yourself a Countess when you are without the Count? So, in fact, Mario was correct. She is Count-less. What is the big deal?
Kelly sure likes to tell everyone how fantastic her life is. She loves her full life and her daughters. They wake up and eat rainbows and skip. She is not looking for “Mr. Right Now”, but wants “Mr. Right.” I guess the guy she arranged to play her fake boyfriend last season was the former. She tells LuAnn she was petrified to be alone when she got divorced, a very kind way of stabbing Count-less in the chest and twisting the knife. What is a great way to encourage your friend going through a divorce? Tell her how terrified you were to have your life fall apart and pick up the pieces when you went through the very same thing. Nice!
Bethenny (my favorite) meets LuAnn for drinks. LuAnn was kind enough to have her meet her at a place close to her own house. So generous. She has a busy schedule watching her kids, despite the fact they are over 14 and have a nanny to watch them. Bethenny, however, has a real job and is at her wit’s end having to deal with women she is not even friends with outside of the fact they are on a television show together. She needs to worry about finishing her book, going on a book tour, making appearances and essentially building her brand. These other women wish they had a brand. All they know about is what brand of mascara is sitting in their bathroom vanity.
The golden nugget was the story Bethenny told of appearing on The Today Show as a guest correspondent and finding out Jill called the producers and complained that she should have been chosen instead. What? Bethenny has a book to promote. Jill is a legend in her own mind. What kind of friend does that? Jill does need a hobby. She also needs a few thousand dollars worth of therapy. 

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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