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Real Housewives of New York City Premiere Recap

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Carole’s got to get a headshot. Heather swings by to inform the paid photographer that she basically has no idea what she is doing. But it’s okay because she and Carole are close.

Not like the fiasco last year with Sonja. You remember, right? That’s when she was peddling toaster ovens. But she’s moved on from grilled cheese sandwiches made in a radioactive box. Now she’s… Well, I am not quite sure. But whatever she’s doing she needs 3 people under the age of 24 with business degrees to help her do it. And maybe lets them stay in her dilapidated brownstone instead of actually paying them. (Her house is at this point being held together by margarine and toothpicks). It’s a fair deal. They clean up her dog’s shat, fold her underwear, and bring her tea in bed just so they can sleep in a urine covered laundry room cot.

Ramona and Sonja are still the best of girlfriends. The kind of friends without boundaries that establish trust and support for one’s self esteem. For example, Ramona thinks Sonja is pulling a single white female by getting the same hair cut. But Sonja is there for Ramona, even when her own life is falling apart. For example, Ramona is going through a tough time having to ship off her daughter to college in the coming weeks. Sonja would understand that in due time. “Your daughter is like… 11 or something now?” Sonja’s daughter is 13.

Kristen is the new girl. The most important thing she wants you to know about her is that she is very beautiful and a complete idiot. She’s a model with two kids and a husband who used to work for P.Diddy. Now he sells an energy drink, which makes it impossible for him to show up to places on time or return phone calls. But sometimes he can be sweet. Like the time they had dinner in front of a camera and he decided to gift her with a pair of earrings he was given by a jewelry store trying to promote their product. And she was pleased, which is why she offered to take care of his sexual needs once they returned home.

Heather throws a party and is surprised to get a call from Aviva. It was supposed to be just a gaggle of friends meeting up for drinks so they can meet the new housewife Kristen and she can promote her Spanx-ish business. But she invited her because it was required in her Bravo contract. She was nervous to see everyone. Between the move to her new apartment, having to get 5 layers of foundation on, and her ongoing problem with anxiety mental health issues /being spoiled /narcissism/ histrionics she needed some time to make a dramatic entrance to the fiesta. She was happy to see Carole. She was hoping she could help her as a mentor of sorts now that she was writing her own book called “Have I Told You Enough How My Leg Got Mangled?” Not that she would actually be writing it. She’d found someone else to do that part of it. But she sure was looking forward to doing publicity for it, whenever it would come out.

The girls all liked Kristen except Sonja who was concerned her 23-year-old boyfriend assistant/paper delivery boy found her more intoxicating.

Aviva knew she needed to make amends with Ramona. So she pulled her aside and apologized. Not because she meant it but because she wanted to get a discount on cases of the Ramona pinot grigio. (Comes in handy when guests come over). Ramona made it clear that she found Aviva’s personality to be unsavory, like someone you is kind to you but slashes your tires. But she agreed to meet her out for a drink. After several sexually inappropriate comments and a shot of tequila Aviva and Ramona decided to move forward because Aviva figured out the one way you can remove Ramona’s claws from your back: just compliment her.

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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