Tonight’s Real Houseladies of the Garden State re-cap is being sponsored by Mystic Tan of Franklin Lakes, where you can pretend all year round that you’ve just returned from a camping trip on the equator.
The center of this week’s show (and apparently the entire season) is the ongoing family feud between the Gorga siblings. It is an ongoing tornado of one-upping, out cheesing, and obviously living well beyond one’s means. You would think they would get along given their long list of similarities. Both husbands look like meatballs, have worked in “construction”, and have little respect for women. Both wives live in a parallel universe where getting your teeth capped, wearing fringe, and spending non-existent money on credit cards is more important than learning basic English and how to formulate sentences. But what I am assuming is the catalyst for all this roid rage and cat fighting is their equal pursuit for fame. How can you communicate with your brother and his wife when you are forced to acknowledge their existence for the sake of your paycheck? How can you forgive your sister who willingly ignored your pleas for airtime when you know you are destined for a walk-on roll as an assistant gangster on General Hospital? It’s not easy.
The outlook for reconciliation between these two siblings looks pretty bleak, don’t you think? Both are unable to admit their own mistakes. Both hate each other’s spouse. Plus it took Teresa an entire afternoon to write her brother a four-sentence apology letter and he had to ask his wife to read it.
The other side stories include Jacqueline’s pursuit for answers on how to understand her bratty adult daughter from the town psychic (who is probably a producer on the show) and her father. The consensus? She should continue giving her entitled daughter all the things she asks for because she is still “struggling” with her parents divorce. Caroline’s sons Vincenzo and Salvatore have moved into their apartment in Hoboken. So she’s been a little on edge lately. Plus she can no longer stand Teresa. It is obvious, don’t you think? Don’t you get the impression she would push her off a ferry if the film crew were not around? Can you blame her? How can you be friends with someone who says words like ingredients—ses? Are we sure she graduated from high school?
My favorite part of the night was the exchange between Teresa and the New York City clothing executive. “You know I used to be in the clothing industry”, said Teresa. “I used to work at Macy’s”. Does opening fitting rooms and organizing plastic hangers qualify you as someone who has worked in the industry? If that is the case I will make sure to mention the summer I worked at Little Caesar’s Pizza in Exton if given the opportunity to chat with the Barefoot Contessa and Giada over at the Food Network.
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