Reality TV Stars

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Everyone Hates Lisa

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Her father had just died but it was important for Joyce to resume her hosting duties for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trip to Puerto Rico. It was what her father would have wanted, her bringing a camera crew to her beloved homeland. Somehow she was able to muster enough strength to pack up her maxi dresses and move forward. The pain was evident, especially as she posed with her husband Meatloaf for the waiting Puerto Rican paparazzi upon landing. “Welcome to my Puerrrrrrto Rrrrrico,” she exclaimed and then proceeded to get into an accent fight with Mauricio. (I would like to note, however, that Kim has a beautiful accent). Were they happy to be there? Yeah, I guess. Sure. What woman over 40 who has at some point given birth to at least one child doesn’t want to sit in a bikini on national television? But these women had bigger fish to fry. They all had come to the realization that they hated Lisa Vanderpump (except Joyce who was preoccupied with her hair and Carlton who wasn’t invited because she’s a witch). She had once been their honored leader, a woman who personified the very thing that made the city of Los Angeles what is it; buckets of money, diamond jewelry, and facial reconstruction. But that was all coming to an end.

You see Brandi was starting to realize her friendship with Lisa was all a farce. It worked to her advantage that the woman who had once banged her ex-husband worked as a waitress at one of Lisa’s establishments. It had helped that this woman was also going to be a central character on a spin-off show about that restaurant. So it suited Lisa to have Brandi in her inner circle. But Brandi was under the assumption for the last two years that they were actual friends. Somehow it made sense that even though they had almost nothing in common that they cold be comrades. Yolanda was tired of getting the shaft when it came to her personal events. She could sure as hell show up to Sur when Lisa needed to film something but then Lisa was strangely unavailable when Yolanda wanted to celebrate Gigi’s graduation or the fact that she’d just completed another round of the Master Cleanse. Kim had not forgotten all the times Lisa had called her a drunk, even if she was probably at the time drunk. But most of all Kyle was still furious that Lisa wanted everyone to know her husband likes to stray from the confines of their marital vows. It was as if Lisa was out to destroy her because Mauricio was the agent that sold Adrienne’s old house.

“Let me let you in on a little secret,” Brandi explained to Kyle while Lisa lounged on a beach chair a few feet away. “When we went to Palm Springs (that was the trip where Joyce refused to swim because she didn’t want to get her hair wet) Lisa wanted me to pack a copy of the tabloids. I refused.” “It’s all rubbish,” Ken yelled. They were just jealous, he insisted. Lisa was a perfect woman. Perhaps that was why they wanted to rip out her luxurious hair extensions?

Before sitting down to dinner that night Lisa grasped Brandi and promised she loved her. Brandi wanted to believe it but if Lisa didn’t have a relationship with Scheana why did she have her as a guest backstage when she was on Season 56 of Dancing With the Stars? Kyle let everyone know she was anxiety ridden. This whole tabloid mess had gotten to her. She had the shits all day because she couldn’t figure out if Lisa was really sorry that she had been plotting her demise. (Though the shits all could have been from rice and beans). And what about poor Maurice? You think it’s fun having the entire country think you like to make out with dudes dressed up as ladies? How do you explain that to the kids or the cashier at the grocery? And then Ken and Kim got into a hair fight so the Vanderpumps left.

Back at the 3-star hotel Lisa sobbed as she and Ken shared a Marlboro Light. She didn’t deserve this ambush. And she didn’t deserve staying in a master suite decorated with tiles and bright throw pillows.

They will all pay for this.

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

0 Comments

  1. Sharon

    February 26, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    A hair fight! Made me spill my coffee!! Great and funny as always, Kate!

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