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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: College Ladies

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: College Ladies

At breakfast that morning the women gathered to pretend to eat pancakes and discuss what had transpired the previous evening with Lisa and Ken. Apparently after plowing through a carton of Marlboro Lights they had grown so frustrated they called for a donkey to take them back to the airport for an early morning flight back to the City of Angels. Joyce astutely observed they were likely guilty of earlier charges of taking straight smack because they fled the scene before a confrontation was possible. Mauricio in particular was frustrated believing that the couple he had pretended to befriend so he could sell their multi-million dollar house was really feeding tabloids with information about him trying to pick up hookers. Meatloaf agreed. But once the Vanderpumps left the island they all realized that they actually like each other. The cast actually enjoys shopping and swapping stories about the best place to get sushi or a new set of jugs. Of course that might also have to do with the fact that Carlton was not invited. But I am not sure witches like the tropics.

COLLEGE

Back in town Yolanda and Kim prepared their daughters for college.

Kim and her very hot ex-boyfriend packed up his truck with Bed Bath & Beyond bedding and crates full of items from the seen-on-TV shelf at CVS and drove down to San Diego so they could help Kimberly Jr. move into her cinder block dorm room. She and her roommate could make burritos on her hot plate and then listen to cousin Paris Hilton’s mix tapes while hiding from Mexican drug lords in their bunk beds. On the other side of the country Yolanda moved Gigi into her 3 bedroom white marble covered apartment on the Upper East Side filled with white furniture, fresh flowers, and framed photographs. Yolanda didn’t want her to have a roommate or live in a dorm so she could enjoy the luxury she deserved and be able to focus less on her coursework and more on her blossoming career in standing still while someone takes your picture. “Remember those bikini waxes and Keratin hair treatments are tax deductible”, Yolanda explained. And then Kim warned Kimberly Jr. that you could get athlete’s foot if you don’t wear orthopedic flip-flops in the dorm shower. They both sobbed.

NEW CAR

Brandi invited her parents to Yolanda’s home so she could gift her mom with a brand new car compliments of a product placements deal she scored through her agent and the good people at Bob Schmoy Honda in the Valley. It would have been hard for her to just give it to her in front of the dealership. This way her mom and dad would be so distracted by David’s fresh facelift that they wouldn’t realize someone else had parked it in the driveway while they snacked on lemon wedges and celery sticks.

Kyle was also mothering. She took two of her daughters and Taylor to get their ears pierced. (Taylor got her lady part pierced).

CONVINCING

Lisa invited Carlton over so she could begin the brainwashing and converting process by recounting the events of the Palm Springs and Puerto Rico trips. She began to sort-of cry as she insisted she never pushed Brandi to bring tabloids with her in her luggage. All she had asked her to do was to bring the pictures she received from the private investigator. She was a good friend (if she needed you) and would never (although sometimes) do anything (except email tabloid editors) to hurt anyone.

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

0 Comments

  1. Christina

    March 5, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Good morning. I am new to blogs and comments. Not sure if they are getting posted.
    This is a test
    First I really enjoy Beverly Hills very dissaponinted in Brandi and Yolanda! I am not surprised with Klye saw right through her as Carleton has… Really klye you calling Lisa calculated chess moves is really how you operate!! Really parties for the Beverly Hills chamber of commerce.. You say Lisa using people to do her her dirty work Again. That would be You!!
    All this crap about tabloids being brought to Palm Springs or Not brought to Palm Springs. You and you alone managed to bring more attention to this subject!
    O and brandi being a little frightened about coming against Lisa. REALLY REALLY. REALLY. Lisa is a Class act and a strong woman who handles herself quite well…
    Now because your books did well you feel your big enough to make a united front with Klye and Yolanda. Calm yourself and get over your big self….. I do not wish harm to anyone. I believe your fame is going to be short lived. Now Yolanda Your ego is amazing I really started liking you when you told Off Faye Resnick Again Klyes try at using a friend to do her dirty work. Now for Kim I am on the fence with her. Proud she went public with her addiction….. Not sure now if she is using her acting abilities. I need to check her out for another season — not happy how she went after Ken and Lisa. That’s it.

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