Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Celebrations

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Yolanda and Mohamed were once married. Despite his inability to keep his Aladdin in his pants they have been able to maintain a friendship because of their three kids. Yolanda still decorates his various properties. He lets her step kids get married in his backyard. They share custody of his latest girlfriend. It just works. So on the event of daughter Gigi’s graduation from high school they decided to throw her a party at his house. Now normally Gigi would find it embarrassing. It’s uncomfortable having your friends see that your father lives in a house the size of Rhode Island. (Way more embarrassing than your friends finding out you live in a rat infested studio apartment or your dad is transitioning into a woman). How are you supposed to explain to your friends why you have a ballroom or why one needs to take a shat on a gold leaf toilet? It would have been easier to just have a party at Yolanda’s humble mansion overlooking the Pacific Ocean. (People Magazine reports Yolanda is selling her mansion for $27.5 million). But this way Mohamed could cook her favorite Arabic foods instead of getting it catered by Wolfgang Punk. Speaking of Mohamed he mentioned Lisa had invited him to Mauricio and Ken’s birthday party despite knowing he would be throwing David Foster’s wedding at his house. Yolanda was pissed.

Kyle and Mauricio shot basketballs in the backyard and ran through scenes from their upcoming performance of “let’s pretend we co-parent.” Kyle mentioned Yoyce and Meatloaf had asked them to accompany the couple on a trip to Puerrrrrrto Rrrrrico. It would be a great romantic trip, Kyle explained. It was after all the place where they spent their honeymoon. It had been the last place she visited before she got a new nose.

Yoyce and the reigning Ms. Queen of the Universe fit in a workout to prepare for an upcoming photo shoot. Joyce didn’t exactly enjoy workouts. She was much happier just starving herself. In fact her “trainer” actually works at the Radio Shack on Sepulveda.

Carlton’s husband David and his family threw a party for the 40th anniversary of their business. What does David do? I think he might do something in financial services though it is entirely possible they own a Mercedes dealership. Surprisingly this affair didn’t have stripper poles. Maybe they felt like it was in poor taste to have prostitutes handing out Jell-O shots? But they did class up the joint by having a red carpet and a step and repeat to accommodate their one celebrity guest…Will Smith’s first wife. (I hope someone notified Access Hollywood).  Lisa and Ken were kind enough to make an appearance. Just enough time to take a swig of a cosmopolitan and force Carlton into a pile of tears. She was still furious with Kyle for intimating she hated Jewish people because she was horrified Kyle would suggest the pentagram tattoo on her neck looked like the Star of David. How could anyone think she hates people? Just because you look like a witch and you cast spells? Just because you live in a dungeon? Just because you floss with a pocketknife?

Side note: Yolanda became a US citizen.

Brandi and the Richards sisters were starting to build deep friendships. Long gone were the days when Kim got wasted in the bathroom and then hid Brandi’s crutches. Now they were bonding over single parenthood, being in your 40s and trying to date in a plastic town, and how to maintain your hair extensions. And the fact that Brandi was beginning to see that Lisa was using her like a chess piece was only bringing them closer. Lisa, it seemed, had been calling Brandi every morning for the past two years planting stories fully knowing three whiskey tonics later that Brandi would be singing like a canary. People had long wondered why Lisa, a British woman in her 50s with an unhealthy obsessions for pink satin and her dog, would befriend a bedraggled divorced woman with a sailor mouth and an overactive sex drive. She was using the fact one of her waitresses contributed to the demise of her marriage to green light a spin-off about her restaurant. But now that Brandi was calling her out on national television she needed to understand the wrath she would face. Look what happened to Kyle. Remember when she admitted Lisa has a crazy ego and she was a class A manipulator? Everyone found out Maurice might like trannies. There was speculation Kyle had hair extensions. Lisa was out for blood. How do you think Brandi’s tongue was swollen? An allergic reaction? Someone was trying to sabotage her.

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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