Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Are You Spelling Me?

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Carlton invited Yolanda to tag along with her to one of her favorite little shops called Objects of Suffering Spirits and Daggers. You’ve probably seen it. It’s right between Sepulveda and Hell. She needed to load up on crystals and candles. In fact she keeps a crystal (and a pocket knife) in her bra every day. It helps cleanse the body and enhances your cup size. Yolanda was into it. Anything to help with the Lyme disease. At the same exact time across town Kyle explained to Joyce that a day after her throw down fight with Carlton strange things happened to her computer screen. For years she had New Kid’s On the Block her kids on her screen saver. But for ten minutes the words Bigot, Travesty, Faith, Hair Trim, and Larva flashed across the screen. You want to explain that one? So she doesn’t cast spells but someone has hijacked the computer Kyle’s daughters use to play solitaire in the kitchen? (Side note: Can we get Carlton to dismantle Iran and North Korea’s nuclear programs?)  Also, important to note Objects of Suffering Spirits and Daggers also sells Obama tote bags.

Kim and Brandi met up to get a spray tan and figure out the debacle that is her destructive friendship with Lisa. Kim had a point. If Lisa was such a good friend to Brandi why did she insist Scheana from her spin-off always work parties? There are no other out of work actors looking for some extra shifts to pay the hair extension bills? But Brandi was nervous to completely cut Lisa off. Remember what happened to Cedric? No? Oh, he’s living in a shed somewhere in France with a couple of chickens and no access to lip moisturizer. Lisa doesn’t play. Luckily an allergic reaction to aspirin had left her tongue so swollen Brandi was unable to confront Lisa in the way she really wanted. But hang tight, kittens. That time is a coming.

Yolanda and Mohamed threw their graduation party for daughter Gigi. It was a really special occasion and having her mother’s Bravo contracted castmates be there for her made the idea of leaving her lap of luxury for another lap of luxury all the more easy. The only hiccups were the fact that Carlton and Kyle loathe each other; there were not enough pillows to sit on during dinner, and confusion over whether Carlton’s husband is in a Bon Jovi cover band. But then Gigi gave such a sweet speech thanking her parents and stepfather that I was left sobbing. (Are you happy, Bravo?)

Later at the party Kyle remembered she forgot to give Carlton part of the fancy necklace she stole from her own store. She would have kept it herself, but what the hell does one do with a skeleton ring? Brandi tried to explain it was a peace offering until Lisa pointed out it looked like two different knick-knacks from a Forever 21.

Yolanda and Gigi wanted to eat the graduation cake. They really did. But as Yolanda explained, a good model must choose her calories wisely. If you want to be a successful model you must only eat air and compressed watermelon. But because she was embarking on this new adventure Yolanda let her nibble the corner.

The next morning Kyle helped Lisa shop for clothes for their upcoming Puerto Rica trip. (Or as Kim calls it, Puerta Royanicos). Not because she cared about her but because she knew she carries a Black American Express card and she needed to get rid of stock. But after pulling a few bedazzled tunics Kyle made it clear to Lisa that if they were to “move forward” they would need to talk about the rumors Lisa fed to the vulture reporters about Mauricio. Lisa was confused. They had sort of talked about it already. Right? But that’s Lisa for you. Always skirting blame.

Next week: Puerto Rico, part 1.


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  1. Sharon

    February 18, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Cant wait for the PR

  2. Beth

    February 21, 2014 at 11:56 am

    I never thought Kim would be the voice of reason on the show–are we living is some altered universe?

    I’m pining for March 11th’s NY Housewives premiere.

  3. caz Perth

    February 23, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    I totally think Kyle had some sort of binding spell put on that ring she was soo keen to give Carlton.
    Lisa just trys to stir the pot to make good tv but it’s pissing everyone off plus she’s got her own show now so they are hating a wee bit. but Lisa is annoying!!

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