Real Housewives of Orange County
Vasectomy: Real Housewives of OC Recap
This week on Real Housewives of Orange County they celebrated Doug’s vasectomy, Vicki got a colonic, and everyone enjoyed Easter.
Diko unfolded his espadrilles as he joined his wife by her vanity. She reminded him that it wasn’t always necessary to wear lady shoes, especially if the point of wearing them was to brag about how much he spent buying them. This was the most interesting thing that happened between these two. They were like two pencils lying beside each other in a zip up case.
Lydia and Doug had a boat, or at least one they borrowed for a 15-minute ride to a larger boat owned by a magazine client. They co-hosted a party to celebrate Doug’s procedure to prevent the release of his sperm when he ejaculates. As they nibbled on crudité the women argued about who had disinvited Lydia from the previous night’s dinner. The men, who had fled to the roof of the boat, listened to Diko explain his wife’s mastectomy. David strained to understand the details. “Wait, did she have cancer?” he asked. Diko shuffled back and forth. Later he would tell Peggy that he was uncomfortable, but it didn’t look like it that night. He had spent every moment of the party with his good side facing the camera.
Doug was confused. He asked Jim about his vasectomy procedure. “I did it,” Jim explained. “But wait, didn’t you just have a kid?” Doug poetically responded. Had he not seen the previous season when Meghan carried a space pack filled with his old sperm to a fertility doctor? “Oh, right,” Doug responded, “I saved my sperm too.” PREDICTION: Next season Lydia will go to a fertility doctor to use that sperm.
As the party concluded they suggested Doug deserved a push present for his noble act of agreeing to get a vasectomy. “What is this push present?” asked Peggy. “I push three times, I need get three gifts, no?” Kelly slammed her head against the side of the boat and Tamra swallowed the rest of her glass of champagne.
The boat never left the harbor that night, which is a metaphor for this season of the show thus far.
Kelly took Vicki to get a colonic. It was the latest stop on the medical bar crawl. Vicki was unsurprisingly filled with shit. She brought medical records to prove she did in fact have Influenza B.
During the Easter holiday Shannon’s mother Pat visited. It was the second worst holiday she spent at their home, the first a week after David admitted to Shannon he had been with another woman. Though Shannon only saw her mother twice a year, they shared a deep bond. They both had husbands cheat on them. “My parents stayed together until we were in college,” said Shannon, which said so much. You force yourself to remain in a crappy marriage until the children are old enough to pay for their own therapy. Her mother encouraged her to get her health checked out.
After a joyless story about the time she backed into a gas station pole on her first day of driving, Shannon’s husband David noted she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. “I worked,” said Shannon, “I pushed a wheelbarrow a few times.” They had clearly moved into resentment, which was a stage they could probably not come back from.
Lydia’s Easter was spent at her mother’s home, a palatial estate located between unicorn fields and rainbows. She gave her adult daughter a crown and sprinkled her with cookie decoration glitter. Lydia mentioned that her mother was once a struggling actress hoping to make her mark in cinema. “She gave up on her dream and became our mom,” Lydia said. She was now trying to live out that dream as a supporting actress on a housewives program.
The next day she met with her “sister in Christ” Tamra and they lifted free weights. Again Tamra debated speaking with Vicki, a woman who had spent the better part of the last few years mental torturing her. “Just do it,” said Lydia. “Wasn’t she your bridesmaid?” Vicki was in fact a bridesmaid. At the time Tamra looked at her bachelorette table and felt confident she would be friends with Vicki for thereat of her life. That was until she made her wear a pink taffeta gown and carry a bouquet of flowers.
Vicki wears a business suit to a luncheon with Tamra.
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