Real Housewives of Orange County

Sip and See: Real Housewives of OC Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Orange County Meghan held a sip and see, Peggy had trouble understanding common phrases, and Shannon and Kelly made up.

PHRASING

Peggy had trouble understanding commonly used phrases in the English language despite the fact she has lived in this country practically her whole life. As husband Diko smoked a cigar with sunglasses resting oddly between his eyes and forehead he tried his best to explain. “How do you not understand what I am saying?” he wondered, much like everyone else who watches this show. Moments later when Meghan called to invite her to her sip and see luncheon Peggy blamed her for causing her iPhone to fall off a patio table and shatter. “You should take my phone to the Apple store,” she told her. Meghan removed the phone from her ear and moved it to her line of eyesight and then over to her nanny/cousin. What was wrong with this woman?

BABY GIFTS

Shannon and Tamra shopped separately for a baby shower gift. Shannon and Tamra chose beautiful clothes from my friend Fanak’s adorable store Li’l Sprouts in Newport Beach off MacArthur Boulevard and Bison. Kelly and Vicki found gifts at a store filled with baby books and clothes, which apparently smelled like an open shit diaper. It was clear to the storeowner and the other patrons that Vicki had actually let one go over by the cashier, but had instead blamed an invisible child. Before they left the store Kelly advised Vicki her husband and vibrator had not penetrated her newly tightened vag.

HEAT IS OFF

Vicki’s boyfriend Steve provided her with emotional support she needed, but it didn’t seem like he kept the fire burning between the sheets. Though he provided babysitting services and could sauce a chicken breast, she longed for the sexual heat she shared with Brooks. The end was inevitable.

LET’S COME TOGETHER

Shannon and Kelly met outside an acai bowl shop to work out their differences. Mrs. Beador wisely suggested it was best for all parties if they all agreed not to dissect every single incident, that in order to move forward swiftly they let the past stay in the past. Kelly dropped her plastic spoon and agreed. Shannon added it would also help matters if Kelly were less nasty. Maybe, if maybe, they all could act somewhat normal. Yes, it could be done.

SIP AND SEE

The day of Meghan’s party Vicki wondered the purpose of a sip and see. “It’s a baby shower with the baby,” explained Meghan, “which is popular in the South.” Those goddamn “millenniums” were the real problem, Vicki explained, expecting presents every time you see them. “I’ve got to squat out $100 bucks every time,” said the woman who waited 10 years to buy new office furniture. Kelly casually mentioned meeting with Tamra and Shannon the previous day and that Shannon noted Vicki was responsible for her weight gain. It wasn’t me, reasoned Vicki, claiming she had proof of something in texts and photos. Maybe she doesn’t realize she has gluten intolerance?

Once Tamra and Shannon arrived they made sure to stay in the opposite corner of the house. Tamra guzzled champagne while Shannon watched the catering staff prepare mozzarella skewers. “How many have you had?” asked Shannon. “Not enough,” Tamra replied. No one spoke as Meghan opened gifts and not afterwards either. Not even a carnival cutout, which allowed guests to jam their faces through a hole to look like Meghan’s baby, was enough to thaw the layer of ice. “I think all this pettiness is ridiculous,” said Peggy, who had thus far been in four episodes of reality television. “I’ve lost a mother, a father, breasts. Petty things don’t get to me.” Petty things are the point of this show, Peggy.

Also notable: Lydia sort of invited the others to ANOTHER magazine launch party. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted you all to come,” she told the others at Meghan’s party, but she was encouraged by the way no one got stabbed. Perhaps if they kept their acts together they wouldn’t totally destroy a party most likely scheduled to promote the magazine in the first place.

NEXT WEEK:

A party.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Sip and See, Meghan, Vicki, Tamra

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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