Real Housewives of Orange County

Real Housewives of OC Recap: Candle Dreams

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This week on the season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County the women celebrated the launch of Meghan’s new candle line. 

CANDLE DREAMS

BOARD MEMBER

Michael was given a position on the board of Coto Insurance, which Vicki had basically promised him since the moment he graduated from the 8th grade. “Wow, this is a real shock,” he said with a flat voice. Vicki shook the hand of her “business partner” and then yelled at her Chief of Operations, an older gal who was incapable of figuring out how to use a Bluetooth.

MILESTONES

Tamra and her daughter momentarily made up just in time for her high school graduation. The reunion was short-lived.

Meghan was proud of all that she accomplished since giving birth to the first child ever born into this world. Now that she was at the helm of a candle empire she wanted to share her latest designs with her show friends at a poorly attended wedding reception style affair at a hotel. It made sense to the party planner to have a step and repeat. Jim strained to smile as bartenders passed the six guests signature cocktails and sushi grade tuna appetizers. The nanny/cousin was nowhere to be found.

DIVORCE

Kelly had come to the conclusion that she could no longer move forward in her marriage to Michael. She wanted to travel the world and take her new breasts out for a spin. She had grown tired of asking Michael to smile or be kind to guests. “Do I really have to talk to David Beador?” he asked before sharing a 90’s limousine. “Do I ask that much of you?” she asked him while getting her lip-gloss reapplied. A divorce announcement was forthcoming, especially once Kelly admitted to Vicki at a bar table later that night that she was no longer intimate with Michael. “Learn from my life with Donn, (two n’s, because he’s chic) that once the sex stopped so did the love. He thought I was untouchable, literally.”

David also strained to smile. It was obvious to everyone, except Shannon, that they could no longer move forward either. If there were one thing he would not miss in their marriage it was having to attend housewives parties on houseboats, seafood restaurants, or hotel patios. He feigned interest while talking to Diko. “You know you won’t be on this show another season,” he whispered as he walked away.

LUNATIC

Peggy, a woman with strong lipstick choices and limited ability to carry on a normal conversation, tried one last time to engage in an argument with Shannon. “You are a lunatic,” said Shannon as she walked back towards Tamra. Lydia wondered if that made her a lunatic, calling someone a lunatic who behaved like a lunatic. It was not the first time this group of women had talked in circles.

Kelly asked Lydia why she left Iceland early and then suggested she was a princess. “You think I am a princess?” asked the woman whose husband would give her pep talks before scenes.

CONCLUSION

As the season concluded there was little movement. Much had stayed the same since the first episode. Meghan was a new mother, Tamra ate few carbohydrates and enjoyed workouts, Shannon and Kelly lived in marital misery, Lydia wore sparkles, Vicki made odd cocktail dress selections, and Peggy remained a mystery.

They all had one last shot before taking a photograph that will likely be framed on Diko’s nightstand.

Also noteworthy: Kelly’s mom got a sassy new haircut.

UPDATES:

Meghan has started the IVF process hoping for a boy.

Vicki and Steve remain somewhat happy despite having the sexual chemistry of Liza Minnelli and David Guest.

Tamra has not spoken to her daughter.

Peggy still is unsure what decade it is.

Lydia was notified of the lasting implications of a vasectomy.

Candle Dreams, Real Housewives of Orange County, Shannon, Peggy, Diko. Kelly, Tamra, Meghan

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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