Real Housewives of New York

Apartment Hunters: Real Housewives of NY Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of New York Sonja’s love triangle got more complicated, Tinsley went apartment hunting, Bethenny de-cluttered her apartment, and Ramona threw a party at her apartment with a surprising guest list.  

REINVENTION

Carole and Tinsley had come to enjoy one another. They had little in common beyond having once attended the same event in Manhattan, but they found common ground on important matters like subsiding on little calories and getting really jazzed about small dogs. Carole encouraged her to move past her emotional problems by cutting and dying her hair, a welcome change from her Nelly Olsen curls and pastel cocktail dresses. “I can’t deal with that,” Tinsley explained. She felt comfort in remaining committed to what made her life complete in 2002. “Reinvention is not repetition,” observed Carole. “Look at Anne Hathaway,” she explained. “It was a winter wonderland party and she wore black because it was comfortable, which was not her best look.” Tinsley nodded.

APARTMENT HUNTERS

In what was essentially an episode from the lost files at House Hunters, Bethenny cringed at the thought of losing the $40,000 bar she built into the corner of her apartment. Surely someone with wads of cash would appreciate the ability to have a vodka collins from a counter which alcoholic drinks or refreshments are served, especially if it was made of glass. Tinsley searched for a living space close in proximity to the Upper East Side, but far enough that she could rewrite her life. She wanted people to forget the fact that she had been arrested in Palm Beach, though she spoke about it frequently. “But seriously, have you heard about my arrest?” She was overwhelmed with being overwhelmed, which delayed her ability to choose between a $9,000 apartment in West Village with black kitchen appliances or a $9,000 apartment near her ex-husband with an ample shoe closet. “I just can’t decide,” she explained to her fur-trimmed mother Dale who suggested she just save money by staying for an extended stay in a high-end hotel. May as well, she thought, she had plenty of money to piss away since she was a Director of Business Development at a nondescript company and had a bottomless family bank account. But, you now, things were hard for her.

HIGH AND TIGHT

Ramona practically had a new apartment too. She had demolished the old faux Tuscan kitchen cabinets and thrown out the couches decorated with velvet for a sleek and modern Home Goods decorated space. She threw a cocktail party to commemorate the occasion and made sure her “look” mirrored the changes in her living room furniture. “This is edgy, so I went with an edgy look,” she explained. It was as if she thought Madonna’s Blonde Ambition was still on tour. The guests were distracted by the high and tight ponytail to match her high and tight skin. Did she get a facelift along with new living room furniture? This would be a place she could entertain all her close friends, like the girls in Avery’s sorority who were visiting their parents on break.

FRENCHIE AND ROCCO

Beforehand Sonja had issues to work out with Frenchie and Rocco. She loved her sex life with Frenchie, though sometimes she doubted if he was even French.  Maybe it was the way he said bitches or how didn’t actually know anything about French wines or pastries? She wondered if his “visits” back to France were actually with his secret family living somewhere in an American suburb. Plus he had the audacity to walk into the bathroom without her permission. What if she were inserting a tampon, or worse hiding her filler injection bruises with makeup? “Close the door,” said Frenchie, “that’s what my mother always did.”

“There was a guy I slept with after a holiday party,” she begrudgingly explained to her other lover Rocco in Hoboken. It was in the empty restaurant he bought because it was where Frank Sinatra bought all his bagels. Rocco was unsure what this meant for their love affair. He adored her, but after his girlfriend in high school cheated on him he never let go of the fear of betrayal. Also, Sonja ate an entire cheese plate.

NEW LOOK

Carole invited her friend John to her apartment to help her figure out how to spruce up the joint after Adam finally moved out. The first thing she needed to do was fix the dilapidated couch covered in cat urine. She shared the fabric swatches she’d been collecting for years. “I think I can just put aluminum foil around the legs of the chairs so cat’s learn their lesson. “Here’s a lesson,” said John the decorator, “get rid of your weird cats.” She let Adam keep a crystal centerpiece because it gave off good energy.

MARCH

In Washington DC shortly after the election Dorinda stood alongside her daughter and Carole during the woman’s march. Hannah wore a jacket emblazoned with pussy on the back.

RENOVATION

Back at Ramona’s kitchen renovation party everyone was surprised to see Luann and Tom. Luann was grateful everyone had accepted their marriage, except of course Missy, Tom’s ex-girlfriend whom Ramona had made the guest of honor. “How weird is that?” asked Ramona. “What are the chances my very new friend Missy was also dating Tom and they were both available to see a kitchen remodel this week?” “You probably met at The Regency,” Tom said to Luann while sweat poured off his face. “Oh, yes, of course,” said Luann as the memory of a blonde woman weeping flashed through her head. “I can’t believe you are wearing a wedding band,” Missy whispered to Tom, not because he wasn’t exactly a jewelry person, but because he had probably texted her well after he got engaged to see if she was available for a nightcap. “It’s like a dog collar,” he replied, which reminded Missy that she had dodged a bullet. Luann, as this happened, was perched on a stool beside the new refrigerator with a cocktail in her hand and a steak knife in the other.

Harry Dubin, a mouth breather with an invisible cane and shoe lifts, was pleased to be on camera again, especially with his old flames. “I am the only one who hasn’t slept with him!” said Ramona. “I haven’t either!” replied Tinsley. “The night is still young,” whispered Harry.

NEXT WEEK:

Sonja offends Luann and Bethenny.

Real Housewives of New York, Apartment, Recap, Missy, Ramona,

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

1 Comment

  1. Ellie

    June 25, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Good & really funny recap, I so enjoyed it. This episode was boring but u made it interesting. Tinsley is neurotic & broke!

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