Real Housewives of New York

Real Housewives of New York Recap: Holiday Unhappy

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This week on Real Housewives of New York the saga in the Berkshires continued between Luann and Bethenny, Jules adjusted to life without the help of a nanny, and Ramona held her holiday party.

HOLIDAY UNHAPPY

Although she was dressed in gingerbread jammies, Bethenny was Chief of Bullshit Police. “You can’t have an honest conversation with you, because you are not honest,” she told Luann as she collected the ingredients for an aperitif. If she was going to sit back and dismantle Luann’s double personality, she may as well enjoy a refreshing cocktail in the process. As the fight raged on Dorinda and Jules played twister in the living room while Ramona ran through the various texts she had received from potential matches on ourtime.com. The problem with Luann, Bethenny explained, is you always run the risk of losing your husband if you let him sit beside her at a dinner party.

“I like you,” Bethenny told Luann, “but I don’t appreciate your fictional account of how you are responsible for developing the idea for my life’s work.” Luann apologized in her non-apologetic way and Bethenny did the same for screaming at her for insisting she was taking Sonja down. (“I’ve had to take calls the last few days with business partners because of this Tipsy shit storm.”) “I don’t want to be that person,” Bethenny said of going for Luann’s jugular. “Have you met yourself?” asked Luann.

A lady Santa brought wine bottle glasses, which should have brought everyone holiday joy. “Why would you never want Luann around one of your boyfriends?” Bethenny asked Ramona. “You have a habit of zeroing in on any man that gives your friend’s attention,” Ramona explained. “I can’t go to the bathroom at a restaurant because by the time I come back you will be sitting in his lap.”

Thank God Sonja didn’t come.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

The next morning it dawned on Jules she had forgotten to call her kids. Somehow in the catfight tornado she had found some peace not having to watch a nanny dress the kids for school or prepare them dinner. Bethenny and Carole had become so overcome with argument regret they packed up all their things so they could flee. It didn’t matter they had not showered or brushed their teeth, they had made it through the required 24 hour filming period. Dorinda was happy when everyone left.

CARE PACKAGE

Sonja’s intern and stylist staff helped her compile a care package for her daughter who had the pleasure of fleeing her townhouse for boarding school. “My mom sent me another box of crap,” she’d say to her roommates. “Apparently she thinks I eat packaged food and need old makeup remover pads and Windex.” She would have packed more practical items, but she had thrown out her glasses because Ramona told her fewer men want to have sex with you when you have poor eyesight.

NANNY

It was taking time for Jules and Michael to find a suitable nanny. In the meantime she was left to cook breakfast, clean the counter, and drop the kids off at school. “I do everything,” she explained even though she was unable to make a pot of coffee or turn on the stove.

Carole and Bethenny were still talking about Luann’s hypocrisy a few days later. Bethenny was firm she would never fight with her again. “I don’t think I should go to the Berkshires again because as soon as I drive up Dorinda’s driveway I become possessed by Satan.”

HOLIDAY PARTY

At Ramona’s holiday party Luann walked through the door in a red lace jumpsuit. “Do you like it?” she asked the host. “You know what, I am not sure,” she responded, which was code for that is something I can imagine seeing on a mannequin at a flea market in the worst part of the city. Ramona encouraged Luann to rebuild her non-friendship with Carole by apologizing for all of the hellacious things she had said. She had also, she explained, suggested to Sonja that she should do the same with Bethenny. It was part of her ongoing work with her therapist on becoming more of a bridge builder and less of a disaster.

It was no surprise to Bethenny when she walked through the holiday party doors that Luann was in the corner working her lace magic with the only two gentlemen in the room, “That one doesn’t miss a beat. Her vagina must have a radar.”

Luann gave Carole a long apology, slightly less horrible than the one the days before. She also apologized to Bethenny though it required the help of a seeing eye dog and sirens to do so. Part of the new Luann was due to her new boyfriend, a man who had appeared in one episode of the first season of the show and had most recently dated Ramona. In the past week they had spent a lot of time together, so she had already envisioned him becoming her husband.

OH, SONJA

Sonja arrived so Bethenny immediately left. Although everyone had encouraged Sonja to drop the imaginary Tipsy Girl business she refused. “It would have been better if you approached her,” said Ramona as her clip-on hair extension almost fell into her wine glass.

Sonja had become so upset for being discluded from the weekend from hell in The Berkshires she could barely enjoy the meat and cheese tray. She had no choice but to leave.

NEXT WEEK:

Luann wants to marry her soul mate, Michael wants a hot nanny, and Bethenny plans a trip to Mexico without Sonja.

Real Housewives of New York, Holiday, Bethenny, Luann, Sonja, Dorinda

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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