Real Housewives of Dallas

Real Housewives of Dallas Reunion Recap

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Andy Cohen sat down with The Real Housewives of Dallas to rehash the season’s most memorable moments. Here are the most important points discussed at the show’s reunion.

REAL REVELATIONS AND REGRET

  1. Stephanie admittedly has a hard time using her voice, specifically in matters of list giving. Brandi has been a great shoulder to lean on since she spent a short period of time working for Travis after college. It is what made her quit her job and devote 45 pages in her diary. Since the show aired he has ceased giving her lists despite constant anxiety over who will power wash the patio.
  2. Since Tiffany and Leeanne have never had the displeasure of potty training a toddler they can’t understand the reasoning behind making jokes about picking up feces. I would ask them to isolate themselves in a downstairs bathroom for nine hours straight with a 3 year old disinterested in crapping in a toilet and then reconsider their position.
  3. Brandi’s children were asked not to return to their preschool devoted to Christian values because she referred to wine as Jesus juice. They would have preferred she had called it an alcoholic beverage made from fermented grapes or other fruits enjoyed by apostles in the time of Christ.
  4. Tiffany appeared in several Skinemax films before returning to Dallas. She showed her jugs in each movie because she felt it was an important part of story development.
  5. Leeanne’s boyfriend is a police officer and carnival whisperer.
  6. Leeanne is proud of her work attending events with a charitable component versus cutting into the flesh of women seeking breast augmentation or reduction regardless of the medical reason.
  7. Leeanne is most proud of her work connecting charities and serving as a bridesmaid in some of the city’s most important second and third weddings.
  8. There was a time when Mark had Princess Bride hair and wore sweat stained shirts. Cary’s magical vagina fixed that and now he has the freedom and joy to purchase her dresses from his guy at Cavalli and the sales lady at Hermes.
  9. Cary regretted over injecting herself with Botox because it disallowed her from releasing tears from her eye sockets. To make a point that Leeanne’s gossip about her marriage had been painful she walked off the set and up to a wall. “I can’t take it,” she said while looking over her shoulder in hopes the camera was able to see the back of her dress and her bedazzled heels. She wasn’t sure if she could win Best Supporting Actress in a Reality Television Reunion, but she sure would try.
  10. Although she despised Leeanne and had hoped she would get involved in a Nair related incident she publicly acknowledged the good work she had done overcoming her childhood. “This is a nice Cary,” Leeanne responded, “would have been nice meeting you several months ago before I had a mental breakdown in Austin.”
  11. “I have never actually met Mark’s second wife,” Heidi Dillon told a local newspaper the day after her episode aired. It was in contrast to claims made by Leeanne that they were friends. She was, it turned out, just a wholesome woman who enjoyed heavy makeup normally worn on Halloween and foods consumed in prison or at a county fair.
  12. Cary doesn’t enjoy corn dogs.
  13. Leeanne still hates Plano.
  14. Brandi and Bryan renewed their vows, which statistically never bodes well for couples on a reality show. He resented her joining the show. She resented the years he was a mute. He asked for a divorce but had regret after contemplating life without a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.
  15. Tiffany was uncomfortable sitting beside Marie on the couch because of her energy levels. She instead preferred to sit beside her friend Leeanne who has admittedly sought help for anger management.
  16. Marie is over 40 and does not do Twitter, which confused Andy and the hundreds of people she has retweeted. Rather than bore herself with responding to people in less than 140 characters she hired a team of professionals. Most of that budget went to discrediting Tiffany and Leeanne, a fact they will only get over if hell freezes.
  17. Marie had to take out a restraining order against Leeanne because of threats made against her in Austin and via cellular phone.
  18. Leeanne defecated into a wicker gift basket and not a plastic bag normally attached to a leash or beside a trashcan at a park.
  19. They are all pleased with their self-growth.
  20. I am pretty sure Andy has only seen a few episodes.

Real Housewives of Dallas, Reunion, Cary, Leeanne, Brandi, Stephanie, Tiffany

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mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

2 Comments

  1. Kelli

    June 22, 2016 at 11:47 pm

    This is amazing! You are too funny!

    • mm

      Kate

      June 23, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Thank you!

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