Real Housewives of Dallas
Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Playa
This week on Real Housewives of Dallas, the women continued to vacation in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. Brandi tortured Kameron with a novelty item, Leeanne shared her engagement, Cary confronted Leeanne, and Kameron was accused of being a classist.
Day One of the Mexico Trip
PLAYA DEL CARMEN
The women unpacked their belongings and pulled out their most important vacation accessory, a bathing suit to unleash their new and improved milk jugs. D’Andra’s one piece tastefully jammed her knockers on top of each other and Leeanne kept hers contained beneath a tunic. “Too bad this pain medication isn’t working,” she cried. “Wow, that is skimpy,” Kameron said of Cary’s bathing suit. “That looks about my daughter’s size. I would feel naked, but it’s perfect for you.” The only thing Brandi was unpacking was a gift from the pleasure palace, which she stuck in the bottom of D’Andra’s straw bag, because of all the cast she was the most conservative. “She voted for President Bush, right? What is a girls trip without a surprise?” wondered Brandi. On one girl’s trip she and her friends (including Stephanie) shoved eggs up their vaginas and took bets on whose would stay up the longest. FUN!
TEQUILAS AND TACOS
As the others indulged in a feast of tacos and shot glasses filled with tequila, Kameron stood by a palm tree, her Chanel pullover swaying in the wind. She adjusted her oversized white sunglasses and pressed her thin lips together like a duck about to swallow a salamander. She had made a promise to Court and to the heavenly father that she would never appear on a national television show with a tequila shot in one hand and a sex toy in the other. “Oh, no, I don’t do that,” she barked at Brandi as she ran around patio furniture. There were two things that terrified her: male genitalia made of rubber and a discounted pair of flats from Marshalls. The whole fiasco distressed Leeann, who was already trying to withstand pain from breast surgery by a gynecologist. “While it makes me happy to see Brandi laughing, I hate the way this is upsetting Kameron.” Stephanie pointed out her own mother who was sober, twenty-five years older, and whose only hobby was reading Bibles was way more fun that Kameron. “I just want to be around a group of girls who do not have judgment,” Brandi had said hours before. She was, of course, still not familiar with the point of the show, which is to have seven women hang out in social circles and judge each other. “I just feel like I was raised a certain way,” said Kameron, which was code for not in a trailer outside of Memphis. “That’s fine, we don’t have the kind of funny,” Brandi replied as she stared off into the ocean.
Only D’Andra was willing to eat the crickets. Cary regurgitated a tequila infused worm.
At the same time Leeanne shared with D’Andra that Rich had proposed at a state fair Cary, Stephanie, and Brandi laughed about the size of Rich’s penis. At least D’Andra was happy for Leeanne. “We are both only children who have never had children, so we are bonded over our mutual fear of dying alone.”
Later that evening at a “reset” dinner they all argued about boundaries and inappropriateness. It was basically an argument about classism masked by a rubber penis. Kameron thought more highly of herself because she lived within the Highland Park zip code. She thought Brandi was trash because she frequented strip clubs and lived in the suburbs. “She lives in the outskirts,” she whispered to Cary at a dinner four months prior.
Moments later Leeanne shared news of her engagement and flaunted her new ring, personally designed by Rich to look like butterfly wings being suffocated by two hearts. “It’s sparkly,” said Kameron with her eyes squinting. She was calculating the size and clarity in her head.
Day Two of the Mexico Trip
Leeanne woke up and turned to the side table, which was covered in pill bottles. “Can’t we just stay in here all day?” asked D’Andra. It was too bad they had agreed to film all day.
Stephanie and Brandi enjoyed a bottle of champagne in a bubble bath. It was 9:30 in the morning. D’Andra, Leeanne, and Kameron sat in a spa pool while wearing faces covered in prom makeup. “This is my kind of vacation,” said Kameron. “I like sitting in a spa and going on nature hikes.” Did it make her any less interesting if she was unable to have a laugh at her own expense, that she gripped the table when someone cursed, or stabbed herself with a fork if anyone mentioned sex? Yes, it kind of did.
That night they all went to dinner at Alux, a Play Del Carmen staple built into a cave. They all enjoyed tequila shots, just some faster than others. “If I have one drink,” Kameron said in slow motion, “it’s wild. If I have two I become unhinged. If I have three I go straight to bed, but not before removing my feather earrings and wig.”
As dinner plates were removed from the table Brandi tried without success to begin a game of truth, truth, and a lie. “We know you would never get your tits pierced,” said everyone. Cary said she would rather play a game called did you threaten to kill me? Leeanne didn’t want to play. “You want to play let’s talk about the time you said my plastic surgeon would kill me on the operating table?” Brandi asked Cary. She didn’t want to play that one either. “It’s true, you did say that,” Stephanie said to Cary. “I would absolutely never say that,” said Cary, “but if I did it was probably because they did.”
A relay race on the beach and Cary confronts Leeanne about the gay rumor.
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