Real Housewives of Dallas

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Blame Marie

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This week on Real Housewives of Dallas the women visited Brandi and Stephanie’s lake house in Austin where Leeanne went into an emotional explosion over a deep secret Marie revealed.  

GIRL’S WEEKEND

Brandi had such a good time at Travis’ birthday party she was still trying to recover. “I believe the Jesus juice intervented, wait, and is that a word?” The producer nodded. She had regretted asking Leeanne and Tiffany to join her for a girl’s weekend in Austin at the lake house she and Stephanie shared. Despite her concerns Leeanne was hopeful it would be the opportunity she had needed to build a relationship with a woman she had only needed to know for one more episode and the reunion that would ultimately follow. Cary had reservations as well. While she enjoyed Stephanie and Brandi she had little in common with Leeanne who didn’t understand the love that she and her plastic surgeon husband shared. It was easy to be jealous, she reasoned, of a marriage where the husband makes sure you packed enough wedges, underwear, and silk sheath dresses for a three-day weekend.

ROAD TRIP

A commuter van would transport the women from Dallas to Austin. Cary brought donuts she would never eat and Brandi supplied enough cases of wine to supply a women’s convention. Marie was invited despite a blowout with Leeanne a week before over text message printouts. Brandi had grown close to her because of the work she had done preparing Marie’s daughter for a made-up dace team tryout.

BLAME MARIE

Mid-trip Brandi’s bladder became full. Rather than pulling over to the side of the road or stopping at a gas station she chose to urinate in a solo red cup while the others held up a makeshift curtain. “I can go three hours without using the bathroom,” said the woman with aggressive blush and eye shadow who had never had the pleasure of pushing two 8-pound babies out of her vagina. “That’s disgusting,” Leeanne added. Brandi disagreed. It could be worse, like dropping a load into a plastic CVS bag, as she had understood Leeanne had done once done. Marie’s friend Taylor had told her at the cocktail party from hell. “Haven’t you ever taken a handful of laxatives so you can jam yourself into a cocktail dress for your birthday?” questioned Leeanne. “I did and then proceeded to drink my face off. It was like a rear end faucet that wouldn’t turn off. Crapped right through my Hankie Pankies. But this isn’t stuff I would like other people to know, especially when I judge them,” said Leeanne. “I can literally feel my heart leaking into my gut,” she added, which was ironic because leakage was what got her into this mess in the first place.

Back at the house a private chef prepared dinner because Brandi was admittedly a horrible cook. “One time I made tea for my husband out of potpourri, he was so sick he ended up in the emergency room,” she explained. Her plan to reap the life insurance plan benefits was thwarted. “To getting to know each other,” cheered Leeanne, “without the destruction of other people’s stories about you.” Marie cowered in the corner as Brandi gulped down a shot of Fireball.

PTSD

Brandi and Leeanne had a sweet moment with Tiffany at the dining room table. She thanked Tiffany for allowing her husband K-Aaron to serenade her brother who was suffering from PTSD. Leeanne understood Brandi’s pain because her boyfriend Rich also suffered from trauma from the line of duty. There was hope that these two unlikely friends would cross enemy lines and build a bridge paved in wine corks.

DINNER

“Does anyone like balls?” Brandi asked everyone over dinner. She had consumed so many glasses of wine she began to garble her speech and place her feet on the table. The evening began to take its first turn for the worse when Tiffany said she would invite Meryl Streep’s character in the movie Sophie’s Choice, a film about a tragic decision a Polish survivor was forced to make on her entry with her children into a Nazi concentration camp to dinner.

THREATS

After the camera crews had left Leeanne launched into a tirade against Marie for revealing the details of the time she shat her pants. Luckily Cary took footage on her iPhone, which she played for the women like a movie clip. “Last night, I woke up to Leeanne’s voice literally roaring throughout the house,” said Cary. “She was screaming at the top of her lungs in Marie’s face, telling her she was going to slaughter her.” Stephanie added, “At one point she said she was gonna get her ‘carny style,” which is a slang term for stabbing someone like you would do if you worked backstage at a traveling carnival. Leeanne, understanding she had probably crossed the line went to Marie to address the issue. “You followed me around and said, ‘When I don’t like something, you know what happens? I gut them. I gut them!” It had worried her so much her eyeballs had bulged a millimeter more. Leeann graciously clarified her death threat. “What you think is killing and what I think is killing are two different things.” It was a reasonable difference. You think I was suggesting I would murder you, I just meant I would slash your face so you longer looked like Amal Clooney. Cary asked that Leeanne back down. Perhaps she should consider how she might have come across screaming in the middle of the night like a wild animal in the jungle? They were, after all, in a charming lake house Travis and Bryan built together so they take mid-afternoon swim laps side by side. Did she need to behave like an escaped convict? Leeanne had grown tired of Cary’s never ending judgment. “It’s not okay for me to be human but it’s okay for her to steal her man from a married woman?”

Leeanne walked outside with the hope she could locate a taxi service because no one had informed her she could upload the Uber app to her phone. She walked back inside and agreed to stay another day.

ANOTHER DINNER

After spa appointments at the Four Seasons they tried to enjoy a nice dinner. Leeanne shut down as she normally does after going into a rage. “No, thanks, no wine or carbohydrates for me.” She tried to remind everyone she was a good person by alerting Tiffany she had received an email seeking her help with a charity matter. Tiffany explained to the table that Leeanne’s cross to bear was that she was always being attacked and that was why she sometimes behaved like a crazed woman from the television show Snapped.

Brandi couldn’t take any more. Why did Tiffany continue to support Leeanne? Why was she pretending she was asleep and couldn’t hear Leeanne the previous evening scream that she would gut Marie? Is she really a great friend if she goes into a rage over something as simple (and enjoyable) as defecating into a plastic shopping bag? “You talk in circles,” Brandi said. “I could hear her screaming and I drank 4 bottles of wine and 12 Fireball shots.” Marie remained seated with her eyeballs jutting out of her head. Tiffany wanted everyone to understand that she only surrounds herself with people who bring out the best in her. “You are a really nice person,” responded Stephanie who rose to join Brandi in the bathroom, “but if you think she brings out the best in you I suggest you make some reevaluations.” Tiffany thanked her.

The girl’s trip was a bust.

NEXT WEEK:

Stephanie and Travis throw a party, a rabbit craps in Brandi’s house, and Cary learns Leeanne has called her a home wrecker.

Real Housewives of Dallas, Marie, Leeanne, Brandi, Stephanie

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Blame Marie

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