Real Housewives of Dallas

The Dogs: Real Housewives of Dallas Recap

By  | 

This week on Real Housewives of Dallas D’Andra hoped to update the family cosmetics business and Stephanie and Brandi confronted one another at a costume party for dogs. 

LEAVE ME ALONE

While Mark tended to new breasts, lifted faces, and tucked tummies at the office, Cary tended to their daughter Zuri, possibly named as an homage to her father’s homeland. “Mark is Swiss,” she often reminded people, so that they understood why he liked to color code their underwear drawers and place post-it notes in various fashion magazines. She would happily have devoted herself to facial restructuring, but it was important for her to tend to the needs of their offspring. If she had quiet time, which was never, she would have loved to be left alone to read a yoga pamphlet or study up on self-Botox application.

TUTOR

Kameron waited for her children to walk through the front door with their nanny and into the arms of their Spanish tutor. She was the most sought after Spanish tutor in the city, which little Hilton and Cruise needed in order for them to rise above the pre-school pack in Dallas. Academics were “super important” in Dallas, so no time could be wasted. They had plenty of time to enjoy children’s toys, movies, and fresh sunshine, but that would have to wait until they could read Don Quixote in its original version. As Kameron explained it, she no longer worked full time because she needed to be Chief Executive Officer of their home managing nanny and maid schedules, ensuring their home featured a pink aesthetic, and making sure they spoke at least three languages. This, of course, would leave little time for pink dog food, a business venture her husband (the hobbit) thought was asinine. “You’ve got to get off this pink dog food idea,” he urged her.

LIFE COACH

Since her friendship with Brandi was in the crapper and her husband was willing to buy a home without her consent, Stephanie looked to a life coach for guidance. Rather than seeking the help of someone with a degree in psychology she hoped someone who took a webinar would give her answers she needed. How do you tell your husband you don’t trust a woman with waist length hair extensions who claims a home with a backyard wedding chuppah and views of a cement bridge are amongst the best she has ever seen in the world? How do you tell your husband you don’t in fact like or want a wade pool in the middle of your living room or a toilet that molests you? The life coach suggested she and Brandi sit down and work out their issues at a dog costume party. She had no concrete answers on how to tell her husband she didn’t want a million dollar home with customized wall paper.

STYLEMAKER

Mark came in second for the “Culturemap Stylemaker Award” despite weeks of training dressing up mannequins and posing in front of a mirror in tweed jackets. He congratulated the winner and then slashed his tires.

PROJECT UPDATE

D’Andra, who lived in fear of her mother, tried to explain that it was important to move their products into the modern era. They could, for example, no longer sell face creams and smoothies on the Christian network, especially with their poor screen filters and outdated sets. Jesus was powerful, but could he convince people praying at home that they need skin brightener or face serum? D’Andra’s mother was not interested in updating anything, which meant her eye shadow, her pantsuits, and by no means her product packaging. D’Andra tried desperately to explain to her mother that with new technology comes new products. The public didn’t necessarily trust what worked to lift saggy skin in 1985, especially coming from two women who looked to have had extensive facial injections and/or peels and/or laser treatments.

HOME SWEET HOME

Travis bought the house despite Stephanie’s trepidation. “Why don’t you involve me in these decisions?” she asked. He didn’t answer because he was daydreaming about home décor.

DOGS

While at a dog costume party Cary confronted Stephanie for sending a text message, which only encouraged Leeanne to challenge the progress she had been making in anger management courses. The others, namely D’Andra, thought it would be best if Stephanie and Brandi were able to work through the destruction of their friendship in their own time. Could they, perhaps, cry it out outside the valet stand so they could enjoy the dog trophy process in peace? It was important for them to work it out since they shared a vacation home, their kids yearned for each other, and their husbands were bros.

NEXT WEEK:

Leeanne wears a checkerboard ensemble to a Halloween party, and Travis wants to throw her out.

Real Housewives of Dallas, Recap, Dogs, Leeanne, Stephanie, Brandi

Join the newsletter

Subscribe to get our latest content by email.

Powered by ConvertKit
mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *