Real Housewives of Dallas

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Birthday Party

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This week on Real Housewives of Dallas Stephanie threw a birthday party for her husband Travis and LeeAnne and Brandi temporarily made up.

BIRTHDAY PARTY PLANS

Stephanie had some trepidation as she began to put together plans for Travis’ 40th birthday. He was a not a typical husband in the sense that he enjoyed spending the anniversary of his birth with a quiet dinner or tickets to a game. He was under the assumption that the day of his birth qualified as a national holiday, which required a theme party, rooms blocked out at a hotel, signature drinks, on occasion international travel and a marching band and parade. His mother was to be blamed. “Travis,” she would write in his birthday card each year, “on the day you were born clouds parted and God sprinkled you with heaven’s raindrops. You are perfect and no one will ever love you like your mother. Remember this when you get married someday to a girl who does not appreciate lists. Happy Birthday, love Mom.”

So Stephanie was screwed. How can you throw a surprise party for someone who drives home from work to make sure you told the decorator not to put curtains in your son’s bedroom? You can’t. You’ve got to bring his assistant Courtney who also sleeps at night with one eyeball open. “Make sure he knows everyone invited,” Courtney would say, “or I will cry to my parents in a phone call made from the office building’s 4th floor bathroom.” She decided to go with a Great Gatsby themed affair held in the back portion of a restaurant that would not close down for the event. Guests would be asked to wear 1920s attire and make sure they told the bartender all drinks and appetizer orders would go under Stephanie’s bar tab.

Days before Stephanie and Brandi would find dresses at a prom depot off the highway. Since Brandi never read Great Gatsby she chose a turquoise dress off the 8th grade dance rack. It came with a strapless top and an open skirt to make climbing into a stretch limo more comfortable. Stephanie chose a Homecoming Queen gown that she needed to get tailored to accommodate her mom jugs.

BIRTHDAY PARTY CAKE

Zuri was a 3 year old with an appreciation for Italian fabrics, chocolate cake, and a limited amount of birthday presents. She was a perfect combination of both parents. “Her birthday dress matches the gown I bought for our wedding day,” Mark told Cary. She decided to bring it out of Mark’s favorite dress closet for Travis’ birthday party later that night. “Women in the 1920s wore off the shoulder beaded gowns you would slip on for a wedding in a tropical location, right?” she asked.

MAKE UP

Since LeeAnne was invited to the party Brandi was willing to reach across enemy lines and offer an apology to make amends. “I promise I won’t start any drama. I’m going to be drinking lots of tequila on an empty stomach, so it’ll all be good,” said Brandi. She walked into her bedroom and dialed the elder stateslady she referred to as “Loud Mouth” in her contacts list. LeeAnne answered with the calm voice of someone about to get their vagina waxed. “Hello, yes, that would be fine,” she said of meeting.

At a café over bowls of French onion soup Brandi wished she had given more thought before suggesting LeeAnne was a woman with emotional needs. LeeAnne thanked her and then offered a non-apology. “That was fun,” she said of lunch. She was hopeful they wouldn’t end the season wanting to rip out each other’s hair extensions.

LEEANNE’S SPEECH

Stephanie had come around to LeeAnne after hearing her speak before an audience of women living with HIV. She was a woman who wore aggressive blush, but she could lift the spirits of people suffering.

GREAT GATSBY

At Travis’ party Brandi found herself to be having such a great time she ended up inviting LeeAnne and Tiffany to a party at the lake house she and Stephanie shared. They bonded over mutual digestive problems when eating pizza covered in jalapenos. “I know this is the first time we’ve ever spent any time together that didn’t involve someone throwing a glass, but would you like to vacation with me in Austin?” Cary who hated theme parties was horrified. She was happy to leave the breast factory and her husband who color codes her lingerie drawers but not if it meant sharing quarters with LeeAnne.

Then Stephanie went home and surprised Travis by standing inside a wooden cake situated in their guest bedroom. Although she was dressed in a corset and bikini briefs he had still hoped his birthday would culminate with a lap dance. Maybe if he didn’t always try to micromanage her she would dance it out in the bedroom. “I won’t do that,” she said. “I will motor boat you and then call it a day.” She was not Cinnamon of the Pretty Kitty. She was Stephanie of the Mansion on the Golf Course.

NEXT WEEK:

Cary takes secret iPhone footage of LeeAnne in a meltdown during a girl’s trip to Austin.

Real Housewives of Dallas. Birthday Party, Travis, Brandi, Stephanie

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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