Real Housewives of Dallas

Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Augmentation

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This week on Real Housewives of Dallas Leeanne got breast augmentation, Cary wanted to spend more time with her daughter, and they all packed for Mexico. 

RETIREMENT

Mark and Cary were only having sex once a day. This was the first sign things were in the toilet. During the good times they boned at least twice in the morning. It didn’t matter that she was chaffing or that the receptionist at the breast factory thought about filing a report with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, they had always enjoyed a relationship that included voracious love making. Though she felt satisfied by giving routine injections and standing beside her husband while he retied someone’s breast tissue shut, it was less significant than spending time with her child. This did not go over well with Mark. She would lie to him and say that she was headed to a yoga class mid-day instead of telling him she wanted to hold her daughter in her arms after pre-school. “Go ahead,” he would say, “but you will regret it later.” Would she regret it, Mark? Would she regret spending time with her child versus doing infomercials for breast augmentation?

PLUG THE POOL

Stephanie agreed to move in to the home with a living room pool on the condition it would be filled. There were no guarantees Travis would allow her to pick draperies, wallpaper, or dressers. She met with her life coach, a woman certified in the process of helping people identify and achieve personal goals, but without a modern haircut. She applauded the way she was now setting boundaries in her relationship with Brandi. Stephanie would no longer ignore the needs of her sons so that she could get herself involved in someone else’s marriage problems. “If I’ve learned any lesson through this TV process it’s to mind my own business,” she said. “I also learned how to find the best makeup and hair team in the city.”

CERTIFICATION

Brandi drove Leeann to her plastic surgeon’s office. She showed little concern he was a board certified gynecologist about to lift her breast tissue. “Do you want someone who does routine pap smears to remove excess skin, tighten and reshape your breast tissue,” asked Cary. It was an honest question. It was like going to a dentist to get knee replacement surgery. This did not go over well with Leeanne. “Remember when she told you the doctor you had fired to reshape your body after children was basically garbage?” Leeanne asked Brandi. “Yeah, that was annoying,” replied Brandi. However the concerns seemed valid when the GYNO used a level to measure Leeanne’s breast. “Anybody got a tape measure?” he asked one of his nurses.

AUGMENTATION

Before Brandi left the doctor’s office Leeanne pulled her aside and noted she used to work on the carnival circuit and can strangle someone with one hand. She also mentioned Mark gets action at disco bars. Later that week Brandi called Cary at a shooting range to let her know Leeanne wanted to murder her. She left out the part about Mark getting side action at Then Round Up. “Is there something wrong?” asked D’Andra while out-shooting all the men at the range. She may have been a raised with a silver spoon, but she loved to fire a handgun.

MEXICO

The women packed their sarongs for their Mexican vacation. Kameron worried she would have to spend the duration of the flight on a commercial jet next to someone who didn’t necessarily appreciate her love of gingham and ruffles. Once they arrived at the Mexican resort they chose their joint rooms.

NEXT WEEK:

Brandi assaults Kameron with a device from the Kandi Burruss collection.

Real Housewives of Dallas. Brandi, Leeanne, Cary, Brandi, Dr True

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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