Real Housewives of Orange County

Noble Man: Real Housewives of OC Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Orange County Lydia threw a Noble Man party and Peggy’s kids tried to understand her. 

GRANDKIDS

Vicki’s grandchildren (and insurance sales) were the true loves of her life. Despite the fact they could not be trusted alone with drinks, paint, scissors, or crackers she loved having her grandsons to her newly redecorated home for visits. Michael would prepare fried bacon in a pan, as Briana would kindly ask Troy not to climb the appliances. Vicki had wished the same for Michael, especially since he had been dating the same girl for two seasons. She reminded him that it wasn’t worth his time to date someone unless there was a possibility of marriage; so banging a girl for weeks was pointless. She needed more grandchildren and he was obviously taking his sweet time. As the sunlight reflected off Vicki’s stay humble tank top she shared news of her invitation to Meghan’s sip and see, which Michael correctly explained was an additional attempt to receive free baby swag.

THAT’S LIFE

Meghan called from Jim from the baby’s room to advise him of the stash she received at the after baby arrived party. As Jim chowed his way through a burger he looked at the floor and not Meghan’s face. “Wow, great,” he said, but with the enthusiasm of someone about to receive a prostate exam. “Look at Girly Girl!” she exclaimed. “I don’t want to see the dog,” he replied. “I will be in St. Louis when you are in California, can you believe it?” she asked. “Yeah, that’s life,” he responded. Meghan insisted he wasn’t always an asshole, just whenever he was televised on the Bravo network.

BALLS OFF

Lydia was used to big birthday parties. As a child she was woken by the sound of confetti canons. Her mother would place a customized tiara on her head. It was not unusual to have sky writing messages or television greetings from Canadian heads of state. She expected the same as she grew older and her husband happily obliged. On the occasion of her 36th birthday he gave her two cars, a luxurious SUV and a sports car, which he had somehow kept secret from her despite being parked in the driveway and garage. “Doug goes over the top and that is not always the best thing for our back account, but money is meant to be spent,” said the woman with a plentiful inheritance. After cake and a jewelry presentation in the backyard he whisked her away on a helicopter ride to Catalina Island. As they sipped champagne they discussed their upcoming Noble Man party. “The ladies are getting along, so invited all of them.” Doug was confused, hadn’t she just said Shannon threw a dinner plate at a restaurant? Didn’t Tamra and Vicki refer to each other as the devil’s spawn?

Lydia also advised Doug she made a vasectomy appointment, but would throw him a “balls cut off” party. Apparently the receptionist at the doctor’s office did not advise her that Doug’s scrotum would not be removed.

HUH?

While Peggy suffered through a hot flash she explained to her daughters how Tamra and Vicki were still unable to let go of their years of differences. “If you keep bringing things up you open the worm up,” she said while moving her hands in a circular motion. Their eyes crossed as they tried desperately to understand what the hell she was talking about. They had always spoken privately about their concern their mother obtained an English degree. “How is that possible?” they would ask each other. “Is any of this worth it?” Peggy asked. “Can’t they just get over it?” Again, Peggy must not have read through the contract. Did she not understand the point of this show? You must always rehash issues; otherwise there is no show.

ESTRANGEMENT 

Tamra and Eddie nibbled on peppers at a restaurant while reflecting on the time they once spent in a hotel bubble bath. Later she spoke with her mom about missing the parental estrangement event. Her mother wept as she discussed the distance from her granddaughter, which was unusual since she typically kept her emotions so private. It occurred to her at dinner with Eddie that her daughter pulled away four months after they wed, so perhaps she felt abandoned like she had also felt as a child when her own father married her mother’s best friend. Maybe she was so wrapped up in her own wedding and new relationship she ignored her daughter in the process?

SEPARATE WAYS

Kelly and Michael drank from wine goblets emblazoned with a plastic surgery center logo. Kelly enjoyed being out, while Michael preferred staying home. When they first married the age difference didn’t seem to matter, but now it felt like two ships passing in the night. He loved her, but just wished she were willing to be home more often. Kelly would rather travel and leave the confines of their ocean mansion. She encouraged him to join the senior center where she had hoped her mother would also hang out. It made Kelly understand Shannon’s never ending frustration.

Shannon made a low calorie meal for her family, one that her daughters fed to their dog quietly under the table. Why are we on a diet too, they wondered? David boldly ate from a bag of Cape Cod potato chip because he had only consumed a bowl of soup that day. “Really, David?” Shannon wondered. He also wondered why he had to be on a diet. That morning he had done an hour at one of those gyms where you run with a tire and then beat the ground with ropes. He wasn’t allowed to have some carbohydrates?

It had always been Shannon’s dream to open a restaurant, which serves organic, gluten, dairy, and MSG free low-calorie food affordable and easy to open. “The restaurant business is brutal,” said David. “We might not make profit margins like other restaurants do,” she explained, which made him wonder what the point of having a restaurant was in the first place.

NOBLE MAN

At the Noble Man party men received a free shave beside guests eating sushi appetizers. “We want people to understand what it is like to be a gentleman today,” Lydia explained as Vicki walked through the door looking as if she’d just got off a horse. They all stood around the bar avoiding meaningful conversation. Peggy and Tamra spoke about her ongoing war with Vicki, one that Peggy found useless. “You need to just let it go,” she insisted. Tamra rolled back her shoulders and asked earnestly whether she ever intended to be friends. In other words, if you actually plan on having any sort of relationship with me you should shut your mouth before I hit you over the head with a Cut Fitness free weight. She held Shannon in her arms and thanked her for being the only friend in the room who understood Vicki’s betrayal.

NEXT WEEK:

Someone runs over a wall while covered in mud.

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, Noble Man, Lydia, Peggy, Tamra

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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