Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Seance: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap
This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Kyle held a séance, Lisa Rinna’s mother Lois visited the women, and Lisa Vanderpump mourned the death of her beloved dog.
Teddi apologized to Dorit for not thinking about repercussions. She said it while digging a fork into her sweaty jogging pants. Before Dorit could lecture her on the impact of feelings Teddi pretended to receive a dire text message from a client debating whether to eat sprouted or whole grain bread. When Teddi and Kyle met for lunch later that week (a turkey burger without a bun and a cobb salad) they touched on the repercussions one faces when prodding Erika. When you rattle her she stares deep into your soul and releases a demonic voice from within.
Lisa Rinna’s mother Lois was the mayor of her retirement community in Oregon and the muse for her daughter’s fashion line on QVC. A lover of leopard print blouses and Easy Spirit walking shoes she personified elegance and grace. She met with Lisa’s “friends” for lunch (an order of avocado toast, several lettuce plates, and French toast for Lois) so she could instill some wisdom, but the entire meal was spent listening to Dorit talk about her swimwear line. “Your gal pals are nice,” said Lois, “but is Dorit from this planet?” Lisa gifted each of the women with one of her signature duster sweaters, sold exclusively on a home shopping channel. Erika was unable to attend because she was providing guidance to a room filled with impressionable young women. “How do you stay above the drama?” asked the moderator without acknowledging her guest was a cast member on a show devoted to interpersonal conflict.
Kyle organized a séance at her home before she moved into Smokey Robinson’s former estate in Encino. Her always-sweating caterer Glenn set up a round table in the living room covered with name frames, crystals, and globes. Rebecca, Kyle’s spiritual guidance counselor, explained to the guests she spoke to “Papa God” via a cell phone she keeps in her back pocket. “I receive phone calls from heaven,” said Rebecca as they all wondered what carrier she uses. (There must be outrageous surcharges. Does God have a bedazzled iPhone cover? What is Papa God’s ring tone?).
Lisa Vanderpump spent much of the episode mourning the death of her beloved pet, a Pomeranian she named Pink Dog. Rebecca, who admitted she read Lisa’s Twitter feed that day, assured her that Pink Dog and the two other dogs buried on her property were at peace. She told Dorit in a former life she and PK met outside a boat in Greece and Teddi that her 6th grade classmate who broke her neck on a horse loved her beach house. She told Erika she had a special connection to Spain. “Yes, I was a prince who was kidnapped and trapped in a shoe,” said Erika emphatically. The spiritual medium received a call on her cell, which was surprising not from Papa God. Everyone got up and moved outside so they could sit at a table and stare at a dessert no one would eat.
Erika complimented Teddi on her earrings, but refused to apologize for treating her like a suspect in an interrogation room the week prior. “Please,” she said while swinging a bottle of water in her confessional, “I don’t need that many friends.”
Despite their obvious communication issues and general dislike for one another Erika still extended an invitation to Teddi when she invited the women to tag along on a trip to Berlin, Germany. She would be in town for an event and what better way to bond, but for several women from Los Angeles in the entertainment industry to attend an Oktoberfest Festival? No one thought about Teddi’s aversion to carbohydrates. “Come on, it will be fun!” screamed Erika. Then she offered to provide sexual favors to their husbands to get them to agree.
Rebecca, the spiritual counselor remained silent at the end of the table. She was too busy sending text messages to Marilyn Monroe and John Lennon thanking them for making an appearance that evening. It was their first television appearance in the after life.
A trip to Berlin.
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