Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Rose All Day: 10 Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Observations

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This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the women left Hong Kong and Lisa hosted a season finale rose party.

10 Most Important Observations From Real Housewives of Beverly Hills This Week

ROSE ALL DAY

  1. Before Lisa Rinna gathered her plastic bag full of vitamins she pressed Dorit one last time about whether she was operating what one could only describe as a coke den. Dorit stammered. “How can I run a coke den if I have small children?” She was obviously unfamiliar with several of the stories highlighted on VH1’s critically acclaimed series Behind the Music. Rinna noted if it were not the truth she should just say it. “Fine,” said Dorit, “it’s not true.” But is it, wondered Rinna? Why would everyone collectively get up from a dining table after dessert was served? Does everyone urinate at the same time? Also, why did the bathrooms have purple lightning and a bodyguard outside the door? Was it normal to play rave music in a room decorated with a toilet and a sink?
  1. Rinna wanted to make up for all the times Dorit made it seem like she had a pill problem. The cuff bracelets are off, lady with a weird accent. You want to run with the big dogs, you better get a thicker leash. “That’s a low blow,” said Lisa Vanderpump of Rinna’s dig. “You would know a low blow,” replied Rinna. Game. Set. Match.
  1. Eileen wore a jumpsuit cut from a pattern sold at Joann Fabrics and sewed by a high school home economics teacher during the group’s sole shopping trip in Hong Kong. Shanghai Tang had all the latest fashions, explained Dorit. Eileen bought a gold bracelet with a gem stone hot glued in the center. Eden, who had proved herself pretty much useless thus far, bought Erika a friendship ring. (Luckily it only cost her as much as two dry bar appointments). Erika bought herself a satin top despite the sales clerk informing her she was a size enormous in Hong Kong. Nothing says self esteem booster like letting a small-framed Asian woman help you find a blouse to accommodate your large breasts.
  1. Afterwards the women traveled to the local SPCA. Erika wore Elton John glasses to mask her under eye circles and distaste for everyone on the trip. They all pretended they were interested in Lisa’s charity and her flamboyant assistant. Eileen spent thirty seconds mulling an international dog adoption.
  1. Back in Los Angeles Erika apologized to Eileen over plates of air at Fig and Olive. “I was exhausted,” Erika explained. “I had been up hours the night before having my hair dresser pin two cinnamon buns on my head.” Eileen accepted her apology because she would never want to upset her spiritual leader.
  1. Erika expected the Kemsleys to provide an apology to both she and Tom at Lisa Vanderpump’s upcoming season finale party sponsored by Vanderpump Wine’s new rose. This was doubtful despite the potential ratings bonanza if an 80’s music manager got into a verbal spar with one of the nation’s leading trial attorneys.
  1. Dorit met PK at their living room bar. He poured her a glass of RedBull and vodka, and then reminded her he would be leaving shortly for the first leg of the Boy George tour. She plead with PK to allow her to stay home with the kids. “Please tell me we will not be visiting Switzerland this week?” she cried. “Can’t Boy George karma chameleon with someone else?” she wondered. She wanted to soak in every last second with child number one and child number two. “Do you know if Pontiac and Jaguar are still asleep?” she called to one of the nannies standing in the stairwell. PK distracted her by pointing out that he had spent the entire last evening tossing in his waterbed wondering why Lisa Rinna would intimate he hosted a white party in their hallway bathroom. He suggested she might be schizophrenic. Dorit tried hard to contain the smile erupting across her face. She had watched enough seasons of the show to know what she was doing. When confronted deflect. Let someone else make the accusation. You just stand in a corner and sip from a white wine spritzer.
  1. Erika and Eileen performed a scene from We Gave Your Friend a Part To Boost Ratings on the Young and The Restless set. Erika played a stone-faced real estate agent with Miami Vice clothing. She nailed it and was immediately submitted for consideration for the year’s Daytime Emmy Awards.
  1. Kyle promoted her new scripted show and her husband Mauricio continued to promote his real estate company inspired line of hats and t-shirts.
  1. Lisa Vanderpump asked for all the women to wear pink and wedge heels to her party. “Um, 902-1-NO,” screamed Erika’s choreographer. He was unfamiliar with the comfort of a supportive heel. Erika wore a Lita Ford wig dipped in paint. Kyle stole a rose colored lace pantsuit from a Forever 45 mannequin, which she tailored herself with the aid of craft scissors. Dorit walked slowly into the party in her disco dress and partially highlighted hair still covered in aluminum foil. (It kept her hair off her face and she could pick up television signals). Several women wore flower garlands in their hair despite their age and the fact it was not May Day. Camille came too.

NEXT WEEK:

The last party.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Observations, Recap, Rose All Day

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mm

Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

4 Comments

  1. Allison

    March 29, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    loved this!

    • mm

      Kate

      March 29, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Thank you!!

  2. Adrienne

    March 30, 2017 at 5:07 am

    Kate yoy are very fun! Spot on with your rhob observatoons! Love your podcast!

    • mm

      Kate

      March 31, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      Thank you so much!

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