Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap – Are You Yachting Me?
Kim wanted Kyle to see her mother of the bride gown. “Would you like to see the lace and taffeta dress I purchased at the Jessica McClintock 4th of July blowout sale?” Kyle didn’t really love it, but she never really loved anything Kim wore. Like the time she wore a fringed jumpsuit to Michael Jackson’s Thriller album release party or the tuxedo dress she threw on for the premiere of the movie Teen Wolf. Kim’s kids were ill, so Kyle wrapped her Crystal Gale hair around her face in hopes it would protect her from potential germs which could destroy her upcoming yachting trip to Mallorca, Spain.
Brandi was finally able to prove to her sons that she could make a living outside of stripping by leasing an expensive car. “Look, kids, I know LeAnn just bought you front row tickets to a Garth Brooks concert, but mommy will drive you to soccer practice in this fancy car until this time next year when it gets repossessed.” Part of the reason she could make this questionable financial decision was because she would be expanding the number of her Brandi Glanville Unfiltered podcasts. She could make more money if she was willing to dial it back on the filth and make the show family friendly. “We can’t get corporate sponsors if you keep talking about your vaginal reunification surgery,” said her agent.
Kyle and Mauricio had spent the afternoon packing for their trip to Spain. “Can you not pack those flip flops,” Kyle asked. “Honey, if you had been wearing those the night we met when I was engaged to someone else it would have been a deal breaker,” she explained without noticing the large silver chain dangling in his chest hair. Portia lay across the pillow beckoning her mother so she could inspect her new manicure. Sophia remained in the south of France with family friends. It was up to Kyle to make these girls understand that money does not grow on trees and she would do that by whisking them on a private plane to a yacht awaiting them in the Mediterranean seas.
Yolanda had spent weeks floating on a mega sailboat with her husband David. It was good for them to have some quiet time as lovers before he would have to fly off to another job mentoring contestants on The Voice: Bulgaria. Though Kyle would admit she and Yolanda had their issues before they had since moved on. So it seemed perfectly logical to invite Yolanda on a family trip since she was only four countries away. But Kyle worried Yolanda would be unhappy having to slum it on their rented boat. Yolanda was delighted to show Kyle around Europe. “If only Americans could see all that Europe has to offer, like buildings that were born before 1970.” It was the reason her children were exceptional people, because they were able to travel across the globe in first class travel and see all that world has to offer.” That is until Yolanda who had been swilling champagne aboard their boat Champagne O’clock received a devastating call from David back in the states explaining that her daughter Bella had been arrested for a DUI. Whoopsie.
Lisa and Ken were busy purchasing outfits for their 2 pound dog to wear for various award ceremonies and events. “We need something jazzy for the Children with Alopecia fundraiser.” Since they were without grandchildren they thought there was nothing wrong with dressing an animal in Barbie clothes. Lisa was also spending more time with Lisa Rinna. She enjoyed her because she was funny and because they both wear copious amounts of brown eye makeup.
Eileen is married her third husband Vincent Van Patten who appeared in teen magazines in the late 1970s. Combined they have three children including a their son Jesse named after John Stamos’ character on Full House.
NEXT WEEK: Someone explains to Ken that Gigi never came out of Lisa’s vagina.
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