Reality TV Stars

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Poker Face

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Kim planned a spa day. Just a fun drive up to Santa Barbara with her fun girlfriends who at times question her sobriety. Chatter in the limo included the meaning of life, how to clean your jewelry, and how much public hair is in their nether regions. They also talked about their aspirations in life. What would be their fantasy? Lisa Rinna would like to sleep with Brad Pitt, Kyle would like a career as a faceless pole dancer, and Brandi wants to be trapped in a bad home movie featuring her ex-husband and another woman. Keep those dreams alive, girls!

Once they arrived at the Bacara Resort (fun fact: this was the hotel Lance Armstrong was supposed to marry Sheryl Crow) they were immediately greeted with champagne glasses, except of course Kim who was given freshly squeezed Pommelos and Heaven’s berries. After sort-of relaxing massages they were treated to a wine tasting lunch, which was news to everyone including Kim. Somehow the trip she had planned was sprinkled with cocktails. Way to go, Bravo producers! Kyle was uncomfortable but not enough to leave. Surely Kim was at a place now where she was okay having some crudité while a sommelier explains the difference between merlot and pinot? But Kim showed signs of dismay. She got up and took a call and tried to sit through it and for that we all cheered for her.


Yolanda couldn’t go. She was back in New York City helping her daughter get settled and arranging her modeling photo portfolios. Lisa Vanderpump was in Cancun with her family. Eileen had to leave because she had to go back to Salem and pretend she was someone who had come back from the dead or was about to be possessed by the devil.


The next day Kim and Kyle met up for lunch and the older sister confessed lunch was awkward the day before. But it was good because they talked about it and it was open, which they had struggled to do in earlier times.


On a car ride to Eileen’s for a poker party Kyle explained to Brandi how hard it had been to deal with addiction issues in her family. It had been a struggle and one that their mother had wanted to remain private. But she again was pleased that Kim was at a point where they could be open about it. Brandi said she felt bad about sitting at a wine tasting with Kim even though they are close friends and she drinks around her regularly. On the other side of the highway Kim and Lisa Rinna drove in a suburban on their way to the same party. It had become clear to Lisa that something was wrong with Kim. They had an awkward conversation and she was happy when they arrived at the Van Patten home.


Eileen’s husband was no longer a tennis coach. He had become a host on the poker tour and they enjoyed a life of gambling. Eileen used to enjoy watching basketball games until she realized it could make or break whether they would be able to buy a boat or pay the pool bill. Her home was lovely filled with antique lamps, family photos, and as Brandi explained “photos of people who look like they might be murderers.” She had a beautiful spread of appetizers from the Costco catering collection. As they sat down to play an easy game of cards it became apparent a) half the table didn’t really know how to play b) Brandi was over served and c) something was definitely wrong with Kim. It all became too much for Kyle who tried very hard to cover up her concern. She retreated to a restroom and Kim soon joined her. Kim admitted she had taken something. (And we all sighed because we just want Kim to win).

Kim decided to leave and Kyle chased after her begging her to eat a slice of pizza. Brandi leapt to Kim’s support and in the process Kyle tried to get passed her and then Brandi pushed Kyle down a half step. But Kyle was just trying to mitigate a disaster. Was Brandi really the best support for Kim in her very delicate time? All signs point to no.

Next week: Brandi gets aggressive. 

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.


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