Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Nanny K: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Lisa Vanderpump’s documentary about dog abuse in China premiered at a film festival, Dorit worked on her swimwear line, and Kyle couldn’t remember the name of Lisa Vanderpump’s beloved grandmother Nanny K. 

NANNY K

MOVING

Mauricio could never understand why Kyle wouldn’t hire movers. A self proclaimed control addict, Kyle enjoyed the process of placing useless items into cardboard boxes. Why would’t you want to hang onto the leg warmer you wore to C. Thomas Howell’s rollerskating party in 1984 or the napkin you used at Michael Jackson’s Thriller album launch party? It was hard to say goodbye to their house because that too had held such happy memories. She would never forget the white parties, which always culminated with Faye Resnick and Glenn the sweaty party planner doing the lambada. She could never forget the bat mitzvahs, the seances, or The Agency company luncheons.

Porsha was happy to leave the house with ripped up floors and an odd floor plan for an estate boasting water fountains, the floor of a diner, and a faulty security system. She wore a t-shirt from her father’s real estate business’ website to commemorate the occasion as she notified her mother she would be packing up her collection of stuffed animals. No one seemed concerned with Porsha’s hoarding issues.

AVATAR

In Pasadena Erika removed several pastries from a plastic container in her kitchen to serve to Lisa Rinna and Dorit. While she knew they would never be interested in carbohydrates, she wanted to present the image of someone who enjoys serving others. As they both sat inches from a life size oil painting of Erika Jayne they swapped stories about psychics. Lisa Rinna received a career opportunity because of Cindy Crawford’s psychic. Erika believed she had psychic abilities. Dorit arrived late, as everyone would have expected. She could never factor in the amount of time she would need each morning to have her team of stylists pull together her outfits, weaves, and lashes.

They all admired one another for their success after 40. Lisa Rinna had a thriving clothing company sold on the home shopping channel, various acting opportunities, and the management of a Hamlin modeling empire. Erika was now an avatar in Kim Kardashian’s game, a performance artist at festivals, and the author-adjacent of an autobiography. Dorit hired several people to sew together a few swim suits.

ACCOUNTABLE

Teddi lamented having to leave her children for a trip to Berlin. While she knew Edwin would not stick to the schedule she provided, she hoped he would be accountable in the same way her clients needed to be accountable for their cardio and limited diet plans. She also worried about being trapped on another continent with women she barely knew and a few she would barely stand.

SWIMWEAR

Dorit arrived late to her swimline appointment. It had taken her hours to have her stylist crimp her hair and place strategic holes in her jeans. Her fanny pack was pilled with tic tacs. “Sorry I am late,” said Dorit to the people actually responsible for sketching the designs and making calls to manufacturers for pricing and production. They withheld their contempt as she noted how hard she had worked on the line sitting for minutes in her home office writing strap or here on a printout. “By the way,” she told her business partner Ryan, “I have to go to Berlin for the week, but I will make up for it when I return.” He reminded her that she scheduled a fashion show before filming concluded. “I will get the work done,” she promised, “even if I have to work 23 hour days.” The team had a good laugh about that after she left including the fit model who strained to remove the gold suit from the crack of her butt.

DOCUMENTARY

Lisa Vanderpump debuted her documentary about dog abuse in China. All the women attended and wept as they watched.

BERLIN

After a long plane ride they arrived in Berlin with dirty hair extensions, bed face, and sweat rings. Dorit looked as if she had spent a significant amount of time beside a toilet bowl. In a surprise to the hotel doctor (and not to anyone watching this show) she admitted she had taken Tami-Flu and antibiotics to rid her of what she considers the plague.

The women assembled in a hotel bar. Erika arrived late because she and Mikey had been coordinating her latex and safety pin inspired looks for the week. They all worried about Lisa Rinna. In previous years she would have already danced on the table of a yacht or suggested someone was doing blow in the bathroom. Now she appeared calm and collected, like someone unwilling to start a fight for the sake of an episode. “You just don’t seem engaged,” said Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Rinna calmly explained that having teenage daughters made her rethink her role on the show in previous seasons. Was it necessary to start fights? Couldn’t she just enjoy an international vacation without someone wanting to rip off your earrings? Her only value was offering them some of the pills from her drug satchel.

NANNY K

Things began to heat up when Kyle asked who the hell was Nanny K, Lisa Vanderpump’s beloved grandmother. “If you are one of my best friends wouldn’t you know the name of my deceased grandmother Nanny K?” wondered Lisa Vanderpump. But did Lisa Vanderpump know Kyle’s grandmother’s name? Did she know the name of Kyle’s nieces and nephews? What was the name of Kathy Hilton’s son who got arrested on a plane? Did she know Kyle’s first husband’s name or the role she played in the 1980 British-American horror film Watcher in The Woods. “I knew who Nanny K was,” whispered Erika, “because I listen and I am not a bullshit friend.” SNAAAAAPP.

Next Week:

Horseback riding and dinner fights.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, recap, Berlin, Nanny K, Lisa, Kyle, Erika, Dorit, Teddi

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