Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Diamonds: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

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This week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the diamonds and rose party continued, Eden had a breakdown, and PK yearned to be a house lady.

DIAMONDS AND ROSE

The diamonds and rose party was in full swing once Kim Richards arrived. She greeted the others with an unusual calm due to the birth of her grandson. “He looks just like me!” she yelled to no one. She made a beeline to a sullen Dorit standing alone beside the My Little Dwarf Ponies. “You look troubled,” Kim said. “Is there something wrong besides your obvious regret for shellacking your hair with gold paint?” Dorit explained with a garbled whisper that Lisa Rinna had basically destroyed what would have been a quick trip to Hong Kong. It was no surprise to Kim having reflected often about the moment in Amsterdam when she got whiplashed by Lisa Rinna’s water glass.

DO YOU TRUST HIM?

“Amidst the many things Rinna did was ask me whether I trust my husband,” Dorit explained. “She’s so mean,” Kim responded. Dorit, of course, never mentioned Rinna’s question was in response to Dorit claiming her husband PK was assaulted by the sight of Erika’s bare vagina during a mid-day cocktail party. If you trust your husband, why was he looking between her legs? Why did he keep staring?

OH, PK

“Hey, how’ve you been?” Mauricio asked PK. “Does Boy George need a condo in Puerto Vallarta? Can I get you some Agency seat warmers or a zip-up sweatshirt?” PK wanted instead to report the conversations amongst the women. “You know you are a dude,” said Mauricio. “You see, though,” said PK, “what is going on is bananas.” Mauricio rested his hand on PK’s shoulder. “Find something else to do.”

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU

After a man with a guitar sang a song he made up about Lisa and diamonds and pink wine there was no more entertainment. “Congratulations on the baby,” Lisa Rinna screamed across the tent to Kim. “I hope you haven’t thrown out that gift I bought on the side of a freeway for the baby?” Kim thanked her and with the encouragement of Lisa Vanderpump noted to Lisa Rinna that she was just talking about her. Kim grabbed her vape pen (side note: is this a good idea?) and took a puff. If she wasn’t going to be included in the cast photos she may as well go out with a bang.

MAKE IT WORK

Dorit had been ignored all night. Lisa Rinna and Erika hadn’t thought much of her, which was why they avoided her and her tin foiled head the entire evening. Eileen thought it better to bring together the two factions and address any issues so they could end filming and she could get back to watching Murder She Wrote reruns with Vince back in Malibu.

“What do you need to say to me?” Lisa Rinna asked Dorit. Dorit was unhappy with how she was treated in Hong Kong, but Rinna pointed out any feelings of hatred were born in the fact she had intimated she had a drug problem. Eden told me, explained Rinna, which gave Eden her only hope for appearing on screen that episode.

YOU CAN’T READ SOCIAL CUES

Dorit couldn’t bear the heat from Lisa Rinna’s breath raising her sequin-covered wings to her face. “But what you have done to Erika is horrible,” said Rinna. “I’ve done no such things,” replied Dorit. I have only told her that she is cold and frigid, which you are,” she said to Erika. “You can’t read social cues?” Erika asked while Dorit’s husband hovered in the background like a stalker.

“Have you ever said that I deliberately didn’t wear underwear in attempt to seduce you?” Erika asked PK. He was unable to answer her because he didn’t have a photographic memory, which obviously made no sense. Maybe if Eileen didn’t keep bringing it up it wouldn’t be a problem, suggested Dorit. They all wondered why Dorit’s husband so badly wanted a slot on a show about women who were housewives. Then PK told Erika she was an inherently cold person. It was easy to mistake Erika for having feelings because her face never actually moved. It was also easy to mistake PK for a sunburn victim.

Dorit and Erika made peace, for the moment.

But before the evening ended Eden had a television mental breakdown. It didn’t necessarily earn her the opportunity to appear again next season. While this happened Erika checked her makeup in her mirrored purse.

NEXT WEEK:

Reunion Part One.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, Diamonds

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Kate is a humor writer covering pop culture including celebrity gossip analysis and show recaps, pregnancy, and parenting.

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