Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Buddha

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On this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Dorit’s husband PK threw her a Buddha themed 40th birthday party and Lisa Rinna and Lisa Vanderpump made up.


Mauricio and Kyle were so proud of their wealth they displayed their new Lamborghini made with custom red seats to match the logo of his real estate agency’s logo. As Kyle and Lisa Rinna whipped through the streets of Beverly Hills in the sports car Lisa Rinna lamented that Harry Hamlin would probably never do the same for her. (She had forgotten Harry Hamlin had just gifted her with a brand new Tesla the episode before). “Make sure the camera sees your Agency hat,” Kyle whispered remembering the wording in the product placements contract. “Did you like Erika’s party?” Lisa asked Kyle. “We were so hungry we were forced to eat at a burger joint on our way home,” Kyle explained. Archival video footage showed Dorit, Lisa Vanderpump, and Kyle shoving handfuls of French fries in their mouths. Kyle laughed because she had no idea you can’t call in an order at In N Out burger beforehand. “How am I supposed to know?” she laughed, “I am rich.” They both agreed it was weird Dorit’s name sounded like a bag of corn chips.


Lisa and Ken spent some quality time with animals, which they enjoyed more than humans. She bragged that she had saved an elderly horse from the Cirque de Soleil of horse shows.


Dorit’s parents visited from Connecticut. They were surprised to hear she had a new accent and hair extensions. “You know we are from Connecticut?” they whispered to her. PK, Dorit’s husband and Michael Kors stunt double led her down the back stairway to present her with her birthday gift, a rose gold Bentley. “You know this means I will do whatever you want,” she said to him as she got into the front seat. It was just as they had rehearsed all morning before the camera crews arrived.


Erika held a rehearsal for her tour of the Americas at the Dance Moms studio in Los Angeles. She noted the dancer community was small, reminding everyone again that the high point in her dance career was appearing in her loving room at 5 in a glitter leotard and tights. She approached dance with an in-your-face attitude and had hoped that the dancers who were auditioning would understand that when they performed dance routines filled with middle finger waving and jump splits.


Eileen spent most of her time at the soap opera studio discussing the life of Ashley Abbott, a sociopathic floozy she had been portraying for many years on television. It reminded her that Lisa Vanderpump would never apologize to her for highlighting an affair that brought she and her husband together.


Lisa Rinna spent quality time with her daughters squeezing vegetables through a vice, which tricks you into believing you are not consuming pasta. For Lisa raising two girls in Los Angeles with modeling careers was as hard as selling one-shoulder sweaters on QVC. She begged her daughter Delilah to take into consideration words from her mentor Cindy Crawford and accept that some photos of your body you will hate.


At Dorit’s party she walked down the stairwell into a small crowd of people walking around the living room. “Is this it?” she asked PK. “No, darling, just wait,” he replied. “Where is Boy George?” Kyle asked. (What other reason was she there for besides Boy George?) “He’s on tour right now with Debbie Gibson, darling,” Dorit answered. She then noted the house formerly belonged to Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony and that she has never worn Spanx (doubtful) while Lisa Vanderpump walked past wearing an I Dream of Jeanie ponytail, a softball sized diamond choker, and bedazzled gloves. “Where do you get something like that?” Lisa Rinna asked, “You would like to know, wouldn’t you,” replied Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Rinna walked past the appetizer tray and into the bathroom so she could splash her face with cold water.


Eileen walked in circles around the others. Although she was the most celebrated actress of the group she had the hardest time withholding her contempt. How was she supposed to get a martini when Lisa Vanderpump was blinding her with her Claire’s Boutique Wonder Woman bands? “Eileen, I want to apologize,” said Lisa. Eileen almost choked on her triscuit. “I am sorry to hear about your mother dying,” said Lisa, which made Eileen throw back her head and laugh. “I’m sorry,” Eileen, replied, “I am not laughing because my mom died. I am laughing because for a moment I thought you were a normal person capable of admitting fault. Obviously I was wrong.” 

Erika arrived wearing a Moschino sweatshirt dress and with a Chanel bag as a birthday gift for a woman she met twice. Dorit wondered why Erika was unwilling to get more dressed up for an event in her honor. Later Erika would admit she had spent the last 48 hours vomiting because of a stomach flu. “Don’t worry,” Eileen whispered to the others, “Vince is wearing ripped jeans.” They all agreed it was fine because Vince was so hot.


PK led the guests out to the patio to a Buddha themed lounge built into their backyard with a laser show, a custom built bar, and a sheet spray painted with Dorit’s face. I love what you’ve done with my portrait,” Dorit said to him. “I am also so surprised you were able to pull this off,” she said temporarily forgetting she had been outside all day instructing staff where to place sofas because she was “on a TV show now” and it “needs to look like we are rich” for cameras. PK stood before everyone and made a speech about how he is a low profile person and how Dorit saved his life while she stood in front of him mouthing the words they had written and rewritten several times that week.


On the dance floor Lisa Vanderpump and Lisa Rinna met eyes. Knowing it was in her best interest to make a deal with the devil Lisa Rinna apologized for being “hard” on Lisa Vanderpump in the last year. Vanderpump stopped dancing and held her in her arms. “Can we move on then?” she asked. “I’d like to,” replied Rinna. Kyle wept silently beside them. Eileen, however, was busy talking with Dorit on the other side of the room, an observation that did not sit well with Lisa Vanderpump. As she approached them Eileen escaped herself. “Has anyone seen my husband?” Eileen asked. “He’s probably in the corner with his head up somebody’s skirt,” Lisa replied.

Friendship in Beverly Hills.

Buddha, Beverly Hills, Dorit, PK

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